December 29th.

It is Tuesday and Ken's mom just left to go back to Fort Collins. I actually went to Fort Collins yesterday to check on some things at work and to bring Ken's mom up this morning. It was hard to leave Ken, but it was good to get some stuff done at home. I am now sitting with Ken alone. He doesn't look very peaceful today. His heart rate is up again, 135. His blood pressure is 121/60. He is breathing pretty fast. They just took his temp and it is 102.6, so they are doing more blood cultures. Every time it gets over 101.5, they do cultures just to see if any infections show up. They haven't. He isn't getting any better. He isn't getting worse, at least that is what they tell me. But he looks more uncomfortable today.

I know you guys want to hear what is happening, but it is so hard to blog when he is just staying the same. They adjusted his sleep meds over night. He is almost off of propovol, the one he likes. Guess you can't be on that for very long. So now he is on it, plus 3 other meds for sleep. He has 2 meds for anxiety that also help him sleep. He is still on high steroids and antibiotics.

So his pulmonary doc mentioned today that they might have to put him on an oscillating ventilator to give Ken more support. He said he would be back this afternoon to talk to me about it, but I haven't seen him. The nurse said that with that kind of ventilator, they would have to move him down to the actual ICU unit, not the BMT ICU unit. I am so scared. He just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I have a call in to his regular oncologist to start asking some tough questions. I don't even really know these pulmonary guys. I know the oncology guys are very highly rated, but what about the pulminologists. And who really is making the decisions for Ken at this point. I a don't know if I should be calling around to other doctors. I learned in Fort Collins, not to totally trust doctors, so it makes me scared now. His fever broke while I was writing this. It is now 99.6. But he still looks so weak. He is breathing a little smoother. But that changes so quickly when they move him, or his fever spikes.

I will write more when I learn more about the doctors plans. I am trying to hang onto hope. I know the Lord is with us. I just wish He would speak up and tell me that Ken is going to get thru this. It's quiet and lonely here without Ken talking to me. I miss you all. Look for a post tomorrow after I talk to the docs.

Oh yeah, and thanks to all of you that offered to help get Ken's mom here. I've had quite a bit of family here, so we worked it out. I appreciate your offers though.

Bev