Ken's Obituary

Hi everyone, Sorry this is late. I should have put this up earlier today. We have been very busy with plans. Below is the picture of Ken that we used and the obituary information. It will be in the Coloradoan paper tomorrow. You can add memorial messages here or at http:/www.BohlenderfuneralChapel.com.
Here is the Obituary.

Kenneth Andrew DeVault, 53, died January 25, 2010 of complications from non-Hodgkins lymphoma against which he fought valiantly.

Ken was born on October 24th, 1956 in Dallas, Texas. He lived in Colorado most of his adult life where he married his wife, Beverly on May 5, 1989. Ken was a restaurateur who led several food services to success and profit. Most recently Ken was Retail Operations Manager of the Lory Student Center Food Court at Colorado State University where he loved working among the vibrant college crowd.

Ken was a loving husband and father who found great joy in spending time with his family. He also enjoyed traveling, eating out and drinking an ice cold can of classic Coca-Cola.

He is survived by his devoted wife, Beverly of Fort Collins; his loving children; daughters, Katy DeVault Kaufman (husband, Mark) of Chicago Illinois, Anna DeVault of Astoria, New York, and Tessa DeVault of Steamboat Springs Colorado; step-daughter, Stephanie Eberl of Windsor Colorado and step-son, Jeff Eberl (wife Sara) of Golden Colorado; and his adorable granddaughter, Norah Kaufman. He is also survived by his mother (Muzz), Elaine DeVault and siblings, Cathey Donaldson, Rickey DeVault and Lisa DeVault.

He is preceded in death by his father, Herschel DeVault.

Memorial services will be held Thursday, January 28, 1:00 p.m. at First United Methodist Church of Fort Collins followed by a celebration of Ken's life at the CSU Lory Student Center, North Ballroom at 3:00 p.m. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made in Ken's name to: Bohlender Funeral Chapel, 121 West Olive St, Fort Collins, CO 80524.

Ken's final day

Tues, Day +1: It is quiet in the house this morning. All our children are here except Stephanie. She isn't far away and will be here soon. I can't remember the last time they were all in the house for an overnight. they will be here all week. Ken would have loved to hear them tell stories and laugh together. It is a comfort to me.
Let me talk about yesterday, Day 0.
It started quiet as I woke up on the air mattress in Ken's room. I had packed up the stuff in Ken's closet the night before, my clothes, Ken's coat and robe, his Christmas presents, the books and puzzles that were keeping me company. The nurse brought me a cart and I loaded it up. Jeff and Sara took it to my car when they arrived a few hours later. Then I pulled my chair up next to Ken and opened the bible to read. I couldn't see the words through my tears, so I just laid Ken's hand on the bible and sat and talked to him for a couple of hours. Ken's brother Rick arrived at 7:30. We talked for a few minutes and then I left to fun over to the cancer center across the street. I wanted to see Dr. Matous one more time. I wanted to catch him early, before his patients started coming. But he wasn't there, so I came right back. I was only gone 15 minutes. Rick and I talked for a few more minutes and the kids started to arrive. Jeff and Sara were first, then Stephanie, Anna and Tessa, then Katy and Mark. Rick left around 9 and we all sat in Ken's room and talked to him. We took turns reading from the bible. We found a classical web site to play better music for Ken than the hospital station we had been listening to. At 10:00, Dr. Kobitary came in to talk to us. He explained more about Ken's ARDS disease. We asked questions about how they know for sure. He explained the choices we had to let Ken go or the keep him on a respirator, but that he wouldn't ever be able to breathe without it. We asked about the procedure so we were prepared for what would happen. He said they would continue with all the things they were still doing to keep Ken sedated. They would add morphine injections to keep Ken comfortable and not feel the stress of not being able to breathe. He said it could take anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of days, but in Ken, they didn't think it would take very long.
We also asked about an autopsy. Ken had wanted to be an organ donor. He cannot be now since he had cancer. But the kids and I all agreed that if something could be learned about what happened to Ken by looking in his lungs, Ken would have wanted that. He was always proud that he got to work in the university and help his students learn about running a business. Now we hope he can help the doctors with something that will help other doctors help patients. We agreed to have the autopsy of his lungs.
After the doctors left, they told us we could take as much time as we need, no time line for them. We decided to rotate through the room and each have our own time alone with Ken. Ken's wish was that he not be alone at this time, so we made sure someone was with him every minute. We also thought we had better get something to eat, so the kids trickled down to the lunch room and Steph brought me back a small sandwich. I can't believe I ate it, but my stomach had been feeling queasy and it helped.
Once we had all eaten and had our time alone with Ken, we asked my Uncle Stan to come in. Stan read some bible passages to all of us and said a prayer for Ken. Then it was time to let the nurses in. The nurse gave Ken his first shot of morphine and the respiratory people came in and removed the respirator. The process had begun. We all sat around Ken, quietly at first, watching him breathe. Then we decided to tell stories and share memories. All the while we touched Ken, told him we loved him and watched him breathe slower and slower. He stayed with us for an hour and 20 minutes. The time flew by. Seemed like it was taking forever since we didn't want him to suffer. But it seemed like it was over in a flash since we didn't want him to leave us. My uncle instilled in us that we weren't letting him go, we were turning him over to God. I kept telling that to Ken as his breathing slowed and his color changed. Ken was then with God. Ken went very peacefully, no grasping for breath, no pain in his eyes. He did open them a little for a while and it seemed that he was watching me as we talked. I know he was hearing us. I hope he wasn't to scared, though he did have a few tears.
Through all of this, we were supported in the lobby by my parents, Toby, Stan and Leah, and Mark's mom, Linda who was watching little Norah. We were also supported by all of you. You can't even imagine how comforting it is to read what you are writing and to know that you are a part of our story. Thank you for that.
The day ended with all of us at home. We made spaghetti, Ken's favorite. We looked at pictures and talked till I dropped at 10:30. I was exhausted. I thought it would be hard to sleep, but it wasn't. I dreamed of Ken and he is with me. He will always be with me.

Ken's with God

Ken went with God at 2:45 today. We miss him already. God Bless You. Bev

Strength

Lord, Please give me strength to get through this day and please welcome Ken with open arms as you bring him home, for I know you love him more than his family and friends here in this life. Amen

ARDS, new medical term.

Thank you to everyone that has been writing messages and calling me. Your support is overwhelming and appreciated. Bless you all for being so loving. Please remember to sign your posts. Sometimes I can't tell who is writing. I don't know who sent the poem yesterday, but thank you.

I keep learning new medical terms. Yesterday I spent some time talking to Dr. Kobitary, another pulmonologist. He said Ken has ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome, caused by bone marrow transplant BMT chemo drugs and the swine flu. He did a good job of explain Ken's lung scaring and rigidity. I asked him my daughter Tessa's question. Are you 100% sure he won't get better. He said that he is only 90% sure Ken won't get better, but 100% sure Ken won't get off the respirator. He said there is a small chance that we may be able to get him well enough to come home on the respirator. But people on the respirator only live for 6-12 months. He would pass when his heart gave out or his liver with all the drugs that we would have to be giving him. I am so thankful that Ken filled out the 5 wishes so that I know he doesn't want to be kept on machines once there is no hope of recovery. It somehow makes it easier, not really, but maybe. How's that for good English? Ken is the eloquent writer. Wish he could write us one last story to sum up how this is going from his point of view. I know he would be overwhelmed with emotion thanking everyone.

I spent the night at the hospital last night, sleeping on my air mattress in Ken's room. It was a quiet night. His nurse didn't wake me till after 5 this morning. But Ken is giving us a little excitement now. His pressures in his lungs keep going up. Actually, we think he is taking an extra breath now and then. It makes his respirator alarm go off. The alarm sounds like an old fashioned bicycle horn. Beep/beep. The nurses think Ken is again used to his sedation med levels, so they turned up his propovol. I haven't heard him honk in 10 min, so maybe that will help. They are trying to keep him comfortable at this stage. Yesterday, Dr. Kobitary adjusted Ken's respirator for a couple minutes to only breath 10 times per minute instead of the 30 times per minute that it is set on now. He wanted to see if Ken would try to breathe on his own. He didn't. Not one try. Of course, he is sedated, but the doc said he should have noticed the difference and taken a breath as a reflex. Kind of like how he bites down when the nurses try to clean his mouth.

I just sit here and look at him. His hair is started to grow back, especially on his face. I have shaved him a couple of times and will probably have to do it again today before the kids come. His beard is growing in very dark.

Yesterday was a busy day. I didn't cry as much as the day before. Course, that isn't saying much since I cried every minute the day before. I started the day with my dad coming to visit me. We had a couple of hours together before the rest of the family started to arrive. (Ken was just honking again; wish they would try the breathing thing again. I just don't want to believe there is no hope.) At 11 yesterday, Aunt Leah and Uncle Stan brought Ken's mom, Elaine, and Aunt Lavon up too see Ken. Toby and my mom, arrived with Ken's sister, Lisa. They had driven to Colorado Springs to pick up Lisa. We had a good visit. Linda Castor visited in the afternoon as well. She said a nice prayer for Ken. I'm thankful that Ken has a large room. We were all able to sit in his room for much of the day and visit. Toby drove back to Colorado Springs to take Lisa home. A lot of driving for Toby, but I know Lisa was grateful. At 5:15, I picked up Katy, Mark and little Norah. I only saw Norah for a few minutes before they took her off to put her to bed, but I enjoyed seeing her. Then I went back to the hospital and Ken's brother, Rick, arrived from Las Vegas. Elaine had actually stayed with Ken and Rick took her home last night. Then Stephanie arrived and we went out to dinner. Katy and Mark and Jeff and Sara joined us. We stayed late at Old Chicago's. I had a strawberry daiquiri for Ken. Those of you that don't know Ken as well as we do, that was his drink of choice. He loved his sweet tea, sweet classic coca-cola, and strawberry daiquiris. He was not afraid to order he frilly drink. I don't usually drink them, but it tasted good last night. It was good to have some time alone with the kids. They have been so supportive. We talked about arrangements and about how weird it was to be talking about arrangements when Ken hasn't yet passed. I love my kids. It will be great to have them all close by this week. They are holding me up. I hope I can give them the support they need as well. It is different for me. I have been sitting with Ken for weeks, living this and fearing this every moment. The kids haven't had as much time to process this. I hate that we have to. I can't believe we are at this point.

Today will be busy as well. I expect all the kids to arrive today; Anna is coming in from New York City and Tessa from Steamboat. I hope the roads are good for Tessa. Rick is coming back, my parents and Toby will be here. I expect and welcome any other visitors that want to stop by today for a chance to say good-bye to Ken. I respect all those that don't want to see him so quiet. He is after all, a loud laugher and we will miss hearing his laugh. We are at Presbyterian St. Lukes in room 3409, BMT North.

Bless everyone. Give us strength to get through this day. Bev

Nothing More

So the meeting went as I expected, not as I wished. There is nothing more they can do for Ken. His lungs are not reparable. We are making arrangements to let him go. My heart is breaking, but I feel your support and love. I will let you know as plans are being made. Some family is coming tomorrow to tell him good-bye, more are coming on Sunday. I don't know what else to say except thank you for your prayers.
God Bless You.
Bev

The Hardest Day

This is Friday, January 22nd. This is going to be the hardest day. I don't know how I will get through it. My heart is breaking. I have been talking to Ken this morning. I want him to wake up and tell me what to do. I want him to wake up and apologize for putting me through this. I want him to make it stop. I want him back. I want to tell him I love him and hear him say he loves me.
Today is the "Family Meeting" with all the people involved. There are more and more people that have been telling me they are going to be there. First there will be me, my son, Jeff and his wife, Sara, my parents, my sister-in-law, Toby, our 4 girls and my son-in-law will be on the phone. Then there will be Dr. Matous, the oncology Dr. we started the bone marrow transplant with; Dr. Clark, the pulmonary intensivist Dr, (or Dr. Fayngersh if Dr. Clark isn't available); the infectious disease Dr.; Monica, a case management nurse that follows the oncology team on rounds; Ken's day nurse; the hospital clergy; a psychologist; the social worker; seems like I am forgetting someone. It will be a full room of experts. Really? I don't want to hear what I know they are going to tell me.
It is 3:30 am. I am watching the nurses give Ken a bath now. They are taking such good care of him. They have shut off his feeding tube for the night. It usually runs 24/7, but he has to fast this morning for his liver ultrasound they are performing this morning. The docs have ordered a bunch of tests for this morning. A liver ultrasound to see if his liver shows signs of illness after all the antibiotics, the sedation meds and the steroids. They ordered blood gases and a new x-ray of his chest. Please God, let them find a miracle in his lungs. Let them find healing. Let them find low CO2 levels and high oxygen levels. I wish his lungs would just start moving. They are going to tell me that they are stuck. That there is no compliance, no flexibility. That there is permanent scarring that can't be healed. They are going to say his oxygen volume he accepts is too low and his pressures are too high. This means that when they put a small volume of air in Ken's lungs with the respirator, his pressures are too high. This means the air is causing pressure instead of his lungs expanding and accepting that volume of air. I hope they are going to say that they think Ken still needs more time and that he still has a chance. I want this day to be a great day.
My mind has been all over the place in the last 2 days. I've been thinking about Ken making his peace with God. I remember him telling me just before we started the transplant, that he did just that. I know God is with us, but I don't want Ken to be ready. I want him to stay here. I've been thinking about Ken's wishes. He has always wanted to be an organ donor. We went together to a church about 20 years ago to get tested and be on the bone marrow national registry. I even got called once about 5 years ago to go in for initial testing to be a donor. It turned out that I wasn't really a match, but Ken was excited for me. Ken has always had organ donor on his drivers license. It will make him sad to know that because of his cancer and all the steroids he has been on, he will not be able to be a donor now. I've been thinking about all the times that Ken and I laid awake all night and talked about the kids, our jobs, about our life together, about our future. I want him to talk to me now. He wants to go to Disney World. How can I ever go without him? He couldn't wait till Norah gets old enough to take her there. Ken and I always said we were going to go to Florida and work at Disney World for a bit after retirement. We thought it would be such a fun place to work. He loved that some of his students were able to go there for internships. I hope heaven has a Disney World for Ken. Maybe Walt has been there long enough to create a fantastic Disney twist for God's world. Ken would love that.
How am I going to get through this day? How am I going to manage? I am so thankful that part of my family will be with me. I worry about our girls that will be on the phone by themselves. I know Steph is going to be taking lunch in her car. I hate that she will be alone for this call. And Anna is so far away in New York. Tessa is going to get snowed in at Steamboat with all the snow that is predicted this weekend. I know Katy has Mark to help her through. Mark is so strong and he takes such good care of her. I wish they could all be here. I want to wrap my arms around all of them. I've been living this with Ken every day. I have talked to the doctors and have asked my questions every day. It is so hard for the kids to be so far away. They have been a great source of strength for me. But Ken is my rock. I need him so much. I miss him already. He hasn't talked to me since Dec. 20th. But at least I have been able to hold his hand and talk to him. He has started to grow his beard again. We have shaved him a few times. His hair on his head hasn't started to come in yet, but they say the beard comes first.
I wish this wasn't happening. Dr. McSweeney, another oncology doctor told me yesterday that they think Ken having the swine flu and having pneumonia at that time, played a really big part in Ken being where he is now. They actually have another BMT patient that had the swine flu that is having lung injury as well. I don't think it is as bad as Ken. I hope not. I hope they don't do a bone marrow transplant on any other patients soon after the swine flu. Wish they had known this before Ken started. We could have delayed his BMT. Hindsight. We can't go back. Ken would say it is what it is. But I say that what it is, stinks. It isn't fair. It isn't suppose to be like this. I want it to get fixed. I want them to find a way to help Ken. I want him back. I love him.

Need that miracle

Wow, this was a hard day. Started with Ken being the same, no changes. No fever, no vent changes, a little bit of a high heart rate, but stable. The vent is breathing for him completely now. He isn't over breathing like he was a few weeks ago. The pulmonologist talked to me this morning and doesn't think Ken will get any better. His lungs are to stiff and they think they are to scarred. We are having a family meeting on Friday at noon, conference call with the kids again. I am trying not to think negatively till the meeting. I want a miracle. I can't imagine the decision they are asking me to think about. I just can't do it. So, I am waiting to talk to the docs on Friday. We will see what they say. Till then. Ask God for strength, courage, knowledge and extreme healing. I still want Ken back.
I am bringing my parents back to Denver tomorrow to be with me. My son, Jeff and his wife Sara will be with me. My sister-in-law, Toby, also changed her flight and will be here till Tuesday. So, all that is left is to pray, to talk to Ken and to wait till Friday.
Thanks so much for all your support. You don't know how much strength I get from knowing you are out there. God Bless You.

Bev

New bacteria

Ken's blood cultures show a bacteria in his blood. It showed up last night. I didn't hear about it till this morning when his temp rose to 104.8. They put a cooling blanket under Ken and his temp came down. They put him on a new antibiotic last night that should cover it, but the lab is still running tests to see what will for sure kill it. They said they would have more info by noon today to see if they need to make changes in his meds.

I am getting very mixed messages and feelings from the nurses and doctors. Some are acting like he is stable and that is a good thing. They almost seem hopeful. Then another doc makes me think this is as good as it is going to get for Ken, that I need to stay with him as much as possible. Dr. McSweeney, an oncologist, asked me how I was feeling about things this morning and I told him I was confused by all the mixed messages. He wants me to talk to Dr. Matous, Ken's original doctor about the whole thing. Dr. McSweeney says I am getting different messages about his present care versus what his long term outcome looks like. He is going to talk to Dr. Matous and set up a meeting with me. I am not sure I want to go to that meeting. I need to know, but I am so afraid of the message. Sometimes it is so hard, but all I can do is hope. I hope we can get through this with Ken's lungs getting stronger. I hope this bacteria that they found quickly clears up and doesn't cause him more damage. His stats seem ok for now. I'm hanging onto that and hoping for the best.

If anyone reads the comments, I just wanted to mention that my boss from 15 years ago surprised me in the comments of my last message by printing the words to Ken's and my wedding song, from our wedding 20 years ago. Sweet that Frank remembered and so sweet that he would take the time to print it in our blog. Thanks Frank. It meant a lot to me to read those words again and sing them in my heart. Amazing that you remembered. I'm going to read the words to Ken as soon as the nurses finish messing with him and leave the room.

I had planned to be at work today. My poor boss. Linda is on vacation today, I'm at the hospital and our student called in sick. My boss is handling everything alone. I should be there, but I just can't leave today. Maybe tomorrow. I'm so lucky to have an understanding boss. His name is Ken too. Thanks Ken.

Hope all is well with you. Please say an extra prayer for us again today. I know your prayers are helping. God Bless You. Bev

Quiet day

Ken is having a quiet day, a quiet week really. Without getting into all the details, he hasn't changed much. They took out his chest tube a few days ago. It wasn't draining anything and they were afraid it was going to get infected at the entry site, so they took it out. He has developed a bacteria infection in his lungs that they are treating with antibiotics. His lungs are showing no improvement since they took him off the oscillator. The docs are afraid that his lungs are showing signs that they are scarred. They can't tell for sure, so we are waiting and praying. Wish I had better news to share. I'm sad today.

Stephanie took me to get my nails done yesterday. We went with her boyfriends mom and little sister. I also got a pedicure. It was fun, but I was anxious to get back to Ken. I spent some time with my parents after work on Friday. Dad is pretty much over his cold, but mom still has her cough, so I didn't get to close. I also got to see my aunt Lavon and cousin Alex for a few minutes on Saturday. It is always nice to get family hugs. I spent the rest of the afternoon with Ken and then Toby and I went to the rodeo last night at the National Western Stock Show. Wish I could have taken Ken with us. He would have loved it. I haven't seen the stock show in a long time, so it was a good diversion. All the cowboys work so hard for their 8 seconds, but the mutton busting and the Clydesdales were out favorite moments. Today, I am planning to just sit with Ken. Toby is with me, but she is going to see a friend this afternoon. So Ken and I will spend some time talking about all this. Wish he would just wake up and breathe and talk to me. I miss him today.

Buy a Bed or don't Buy a Bed???

Ken is in the new BMT/ICU (Bone Marrow Transplant/Intensive Care Unit) here in the Presbyterian St. Luke's hospital. The rooms are very nice, large, roomy. But the beds for caregivers are not very comfortable. When we were in Univ of Colorado hospital, the couch made into a bed and it was great. I have been researching what it would take to buy one or two of these beds for this unit. I finally found someone to help, but the beds are $1300-$1400. Go figure. We have to buy them through the hospital because they have to be health grade with high quality vinyl that can be disinfected. They won't accept me buying it outside the hospital. So, my question is, should I get one or not. Should I try to earn the money through a fund raiser? Do you think I could raise the money? Do you think it is a good idea? I think I can set it up to be a tax deduction by having the cancer center collect the deductions. So what I need to know before I precede is what you all think. I have set up a poll at the right for you to fill out to see if my idea will be supported. Please let me know what you think. You will not be obligated in the poll. I am just trying to get an idea if I should do this. Thanks.

Beautiful Morning

It was a beautiful drive in this morning. Colorful sunrise. The kind that Ken would have seen while on his paper route and called me to tell me to go look at it. I sure wish I could have called him to go look at today's.

Overnight, not any significant changes. Ken is now on a sepsis watch. Sepsis was the blood infection that docs were talking about when Ken first was admitted to the hospital. They checked his blood gases every 4 hours overnight and sent in blood tests multiple times. All the short term tests look great. We have to wait for the cultures to grow to be sure. He still has a fever, still has diarrhea, though it is better. They upped his sedation, upped his blood pressure meds, upped his fluids and gave him a blood transfusion this morning. Everyone seems to be concerned. He now has a dedicated nurse again. The nurse yesterday had 2 patients and she was going crazy. Ken needs his own nurse. There are to many things to do with him.

I had wanted to go to work today, but don't think I can leave him till the docs and nurses get some answers and calm down a little more. We'll see how it goes when the docs come and talk to me. Have a good day everyone. God Bless You.

Bev

2010, all about Ken

That's my new motto. 2010, all about Ken. Let this year be a happy year of healing for Ken. May he continue to get better, stronger all year long.

Today was eventful. Toby made it here from North Carolina. She is going to help me keep Ken company in the next week while I work some. I have been showing her around the hospital and explaining all of Ken's tubes and support equipment.

Ken has not had a great day, but he is better now. He has been running a fever since yesterday, 102 and above. He has been having constant fluid stools...to much information. But they are an issue. They think Ken has a bug (C-Dif) in his gut that is sometimes caused by to many antibiotics. It can be quite serious, so they already have him on additional meds to cover him for that. The tough part is that it can take up to 5 days for the meds to help. The fever made his blood pressure drop way low and his heart rate went up as far as 156. But they gave him lots of fluids, adjusted his respirator and he is calm now. They had his respirator up to 70% oxygen and 7.5 peep at noon today. But at 3:00, they changed him to 60% and 5.0 peep. It took Ken a while to settle into the new settings, but he is comfortable now. He was not liking the new peep, pressure. He was breathing over it and air was escaping into his mouth. It was like he was burping, but he was really just breathing. Now his stats are good, heart rate 106. Blood pressure, 94/52 which is right were they want it. Oxygen level is 96%, which is great on 60% and 5.0. I am hoping they try to turn him down to 50% tonight, but we'll see. Toby and I are getting ready to go out to eat and to the hotel, so good night everyone. We won't know for a few days about all the tests they ran on him for the fevers. Maybe tomorrow or Friday. Sleep tight Ken. See you in the morning.

Recovery starts.

Monday Night. This has been a very happy few days since Saturday. Ken is holding on and staying strong. Thank God. He has a long way to go and he still may not make it. But he is finally headed in the right direction. Baby steps. So here is what we have learned.

Sunday, Ken was kept sedated, but the paralytic drug was stopped. We learned that it may be weeks or months before that completely wears off since he was on it for 11 days. He did move his mouth once and coughed a few times on Sunday. When he coughs or breaths over his respirator, it honks. Sounds like a car horn. It is a welcome sound, means Ken is in there. I never thought I would be happy that my husband is on a respirator, but I am so happy. No Oscillator.

Monday morning, I got to the hospital at 6:45 since we had a conference call scheduled for 7:30. I peaked in Ken's window and noticed that his BIS rate (the rate that measures how sedated he is) was at a comfortable 36. They want him between 40-60 now that he is off the oscillator. Below 40 was when he was on the oscillator. I came in, put on my gloves and said good morning to Ken. I picked up his hand like I often do and his BIS shot up to 76 then 86. I was afraid he was going to wake up, so I talked to him and then moved across the room. When I got back from the conference, his rate was still up there. I told him I was going to work and that I would be back this afternoon. The nurses noticed a while after I left that his eyes were slightly open. Nancy asked him to blink if he could hear her. He blinked ever so slightly. Then she asked him to blink if he was in pain. He did not blink. She said she didn't know if he was really awake, but she thought so. He then went to sleep and opened his eyes again for a sec in the afternoon. He just didn't want to stay asleep. He is ready to get up, I just wish his lungs were ready for that too.

In the conference with the family and the doctors we learned a few things as well. Dr. Matous told us that Ken has a chemo therapy induced lung injury. He has seen it before, but never this seriously. He said statistics are that 8% of people that get this kind of injury, die from it. He has never lost anyone. Last weekend, when they told me that Ken had less than a 20% chance of living, I was devastated. But at the time, the doctors and nurses weren't sure he would be able to recover. Today, the doc said that he believes Ken will recover. He made the family understand that we still could lose Ken, but if we don't have any surprises, no new problems, he has a much better chance for survival. Yeah. Dr. said that Ken's injury got worse very quickly and he didn't respond to normal meds at first. They didn't think it was chemo induced at first. Usually that doesn't show up till 2-3 months down the road. So once they decided to add steroids to the mix, just in case, Ken started to respond. But his lungs had been so damaged, that he needed to be put on the oscillator quickly as well. So the questions now are will he recovery, how completely will he recover and how long will it take. Doc thinks Ken will be on the respirator for another few weeks. Goal is to get him off of it in February. Then he will have rehab most if not all of the spring, maybe into the summer. How completely he recovers is unknown. He may recover completely, he may need oxygen at night or all the time. His physical therapy is going to be so extensive that we know he won't be climbing any 14ers this year. He will be lucky to go up a flight of stairs. Only God knows now what the future will look like. I don't care how long it takes for Ken to come back, I just want him back. Seems now like we will see that happen. I am so thankful.

Ken's lungs are very stiff after all the days on the oscillator. They are testing his flexibility every 4 hours. Last night, his flex was a 2. Tonight it was a 5. So some improvement. I asked what he needs to be at and the respiratory guy chuckled and said approaching 100 would be normal. Ken does have a long way to go and I hope they don't wake him till he is more flexible. It must hurt. His chest muscles will be weak from the steroids and he will have to retrain them to make his lungs contract. I know way more about all this than I every thought I would. I am putting much of this in here just so that Ken will be able to read it one day. I was going to write to Ken today and tell him more about the past week, but it is already late, so I think I will save that for another night.

I went to work in Fort Collins for a few hours today. It was great to see everyone and it was great to be able to check up on things. My student, Nick, is doing a great job with the registers. Everyone is pitching in and helping out. I hope to work more in the next few days. One day at a time. We'll see how Ken does first.

Nick was doing half my paper route and he isn't interested in doing it next semester. He says he will be a backup, but he is too busy with school to do it for me all the time. So....does anyone want a part time job for 1 to 1 1/2 hours in the morning. Best time for this half is to start anytime between 5:30 and 6:00. It will start next Tuesday for the spring semester. It is only Monday - Friday, and not during spring break. It is only 8 stops, mostly the dorms. You will need a car, but they bring the papers to campus, so it isn't much driving. Let me know if you are interested. I will pay you for your time. Steve Railsback has graciously offered to continue to do his half. Thank you so much Steve. I just can't let go of this route till I know exactly where we will be with Ken. I hope we can take it back this summer, but I may need subs all spring. If Ken can be moved to Fort Collins for some of his rehab, it will be easier for me to do half. But I need help now.

Hope you have a good week. Plan for Ken is quiet recovery. God Bless you all. Bev

Shhhhh.... What is that noise?

Could it be? Is that the sound of silence? It sure as heck is. Ken's room is quiet because he is off the oscillator. I AM SO EXCITED. Ken's nurse last night was able to lower his oxygen intake from 65% to 50% on the oscillator. So the lung doc decided to try to wean him off to the regular respirator. They changed him over this morning to a regular respirator. They watched him for about 5 hours and checked his blood gases. That tells them how his oxygen and carbon dioxide levels are in his blood. Since his were fine, they went ahead and stopped his paralytic drug this afternoon. He has been coughing when they turn him. What a wonderful thing. Ken can cough. I know he still has a long ways to go and I am not being unrealistic, but THANK GOD, he is moving in the right direction. I am over the moon with happiness at the moment. It will take 12-24 hours for the paralytic to completely get out of his system and then we will see how he tolerates breathing with the respirator. But the doc ordered it at 80% oxygen and 15 peep to start. He is actually now at 50% oxygen on the machine and 7.5 peep. That is so great. Means he is doing better than expected. (Peep is the pressure used to push the breaths into his lungs.)

Thank you to all the people praying, from the 2 year old Ava to the 87 year old Grandpa Steve. Thank you so much. It is so great to hear of all the children that are praying for Ken. He would be so happy to know that. So here are just a few kids names that are saying prayers for you Ken....
Lauren, Spencer, Joe, Gunnar, Dillon, Xander, Ava, Kaley, Madison, Joe and his football team buddies, Lauren and her church school class. Not to mention all of the "Kids" at CSU that work for you. Thank you all for your prayers and keep it up. Ken is feeling God's grace and healing powers.

I wanted to mention something else so that I won't forget to tell Ken when he is really awake. When Ken was first put on the oscillator, Nov. 30th, they wanted to move him to the actual ICU unit instead of the Bone Marrow ICU. I am thankful that they were able to work it out and keep him here. Much safer and nicer for me. But Ken will be happy to know that while he was here, the hospital was able to train most of their bone marrow transplant nurses on how to manage an oscillator. Almost every day shift, Ken had 2 nurses assigned that stayed in the room with him. One was training on the oscillator. Since Ken loves the college environment, he will like that they used him for such a positive aspect. Good to have them trained in case it happens to anyone else.

Also, Amy from AMR Combs. Thank you for the nice card and words of encouragement. Yes, I do remember you. I am so happy to hear that many of my Combs friends are reading the blog and pulling for Ken and me. Bless all of you and hope we can get together sometime soon. Thank you for you thoughts and prayers.

I still can't get over how quiet it is in this room. I can actually hear the TV from clear across the room. Ken looks good to, considering. He is starting to get some hair growth back on his eyebrows and chin. He is so thin that his cheek bones are sticking out and his legs are very thin, but his color looks good and he is taking baby steps to get back to us.

Dr. Matous said today that sometimes, bone marrow patients that have an injury as serious as Ken's, have trouble with the transplant. Especially when the injury happens so early like Ken. His showed up on day +10. Doc said sometimes the bone marrow freaks out and decides not to en graft. But not Ken. His white counts are really up, his platelets are great. Doc also pointed out that Ken is staying strong. He is showing us that he is fighting by the other organs in his body. His liver is fine, his heart is still strong, his kidneys are amazing. Doc thinks Ken is making it clear that he is determined to come back to us. He said to expect 2010 to be all about rehab for Ken because he believes that he will come through this. Sounds great doesn't it? Sounds so much better than what the docs were telling me last weekend.

We have a conference call Monday morning with Dr. Matous, the oncology doc that is managing Ken's transplant; Luis who is the hospital psychologist; me and all 5 of our kids. It is supposed to be so that we can all be brought up to speed about what is happening with Ken. Mainly so the kids can get their questions answered. If any of you have questions you want me to ask, or things that I haven't covered in the blog, let me know and I will see about getting them answered. And I will let you know if we learn anything new about Ken's progress. Tonight will be an important night, hope it all goes well. Baby steps forward. Then maybe soon, Ken will be running around in squeaky sneakers like Norah. I will take the baby steps for now. Have a restful night. Bev

Jan. 7th. Day +45

Today is day +45. In the real world of Bone Marrow Transplants, this would be the day that Ken is out of danger, the day his white cells should be en grafted. Day +45 was the day that we were looking forward to. This is the day. Ken's cells are en grafted, but he is so not out of danger.

Ken is holding on. He is needing more drugs to keep him stable, but the docs are encouraged that he is stable. The fear is that he will get a new infection or new issue. But as long as we can keep that from happening, they are hopeful that his lungs will heal. They do not know for sure how much damage has been done to his lungs, that is why they are not sure if they will heal or not. But I had a long conversation with Dr. Matous this morning. He informed me that this is going to be a long process. They are not giving up on Ken and he has a lot of doctors that are helping to figure this out. Dr. Matous suggested that I try to work part time during the next few weeks while they have him sedated. He joked and said he would tell Ken that I was here every minute when he wakes up. I was just glad to hear him talking about him waking up. I asked today if a lung transplant was an option. He said that it isn't out of the question and it may be a possibility for Ken. He isn't at that point yet, but they will consider it if in gets to that point. Doc said that they haven't ever had someone die from this kind of lung injury with bone marrow transplant and they certainly don't want Ken to be the first. So they are doing all that they can. The good things are that Ken is healthy in every other way. He has a strong heart, his kidneys are great, his liver seems great, he is handling the nutrition just fine. He is starting to have a few skin issues just from being in bed so long, and we know his muscles have suffered. But he can come back from all that. We just have to make sure he doesn't get any other infections and we have to pray that his lungs heal. The docs are encouraged that he is needing less oxygen input with this oscillator to stay above 90%. That is good. I am so hopeful. Our prayers are working. They just have to be working. I know God is listening. Bless you all. Bev

New Drug

So before I get started, I want to add some thanks to my brother Gale and his wife, Toby. I opened some mail last night and found a nice check from them also. Thank you so much. I appreciate all you have done for us. Toby is actually coming to Denver January 14th - 21st to help me. So thank you in advance for that also Toby.

My parents made it to Denver yesterday afternoon and they brought our dogs. I had really missed the dogs. It was good to have them back. I enjoyed seeing my parents too. They will be here till we know Ken is better.

So yesterday was a good day. They were able to turn his oxygen level down to 65%, so small improvement. He is holding on. The docs decided to try a different drug yesterday. It is oral, 3 times a day, so they say it will be three days before we know if it makes a difference. I called my nephew, Dr. Ben, a pharmacist, to see what it does. Seems it is a fancy blood thinner, or actually, it opens the blood vessels so the blood and oxygen can flow better. It has been used in some lung injury patients. Our nurse said she read that it used to be popular before plavix and it is seeing some come back. I am hoping it helps. We need a miracle. It makes sense that it should open the vessels in his lungs so he can get more oxygen for healing. The drug has very few side effects, so they wanted to try it. Time will tell.

Our lungs take so long to heal. Every small step is a blessing. And you are all a blessing as well. Your prayers are helping. Ken has 2 nurses today. He has usually had two during the day shift and one at night. They need to stay in here at all times with the oscillator. They are taking very good care of him. I am just watching at this point. Most of the nurses and doctors are looking at me with sadness and I am just looking back, with sad determination. Ken hasn't given up and neither have I, God hasn't given up, nor the doctors. We are all still fighting and there is still hope. We are hanging onto that hope. May you have a blessed day. Stay strong with me.

Bev

Time to say thanks

As I sit in Ken's room thinking about blogging, I am struck by the fact that I have no idea how many people are reading what we write. We started this blog, mostly for me. So that I could let all the family know what is happening without having to repeat everything so many times. But it has evolved into so much more than that. We are so thankful for all the prayers that our blog recruits. We enjoy reading all the comments made by our family and friends. I always start my new blog by reading what was written by friends on the old blogs. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and prayers with us. We do appreciate it. And we do read them all.

The blog has been very therapeutic for both of us. And it is a fantastic record of what has been really happening. More than once we have looked back to the blog to find a date or fact for the doctors. But sometimes, it is just to hard to write the facts or the news. Today is one of those times. Ken is hanging in there, but he just isn't getting any better. The doctors are telling me that his odds are not very good. Odds, what does that mean? Ken just has to keep fighting and we know that God is with him. And all of you are praying! What do odds have to do with that? I am sad that Ken is here. It is getting so hard to see him do this. But the nurses and doctors are doing what they can. I am still praying and holding Ken's hand. I know he knows that I am here. You guys all help me stay strong around him. Your encouraging words help so much. Thank you every minute.

I also want to thank a few individuals that have been helping me. My Uncle Stan and Aunt Leah have been my spiritual strength and supporters. Also, our friends, Linda and Ed and Terry and Alan. Thank you for your visits. They are helping me stay sane. And thank you to my cousin, Jeff, for flying to Phoenix and driving my parents and my dogs back to Denver. (They get here tomorrow, can't wait to see both my parents and my dogs.) And it seems there has been some fund raising going on. My cousin, Jeff Brown, has made a second large donation to Ken and I. He has been so generous. My parents have helped out with numerous donations. My sister-in-law, Cathey, in Calif gave us a nice check. And my Aunt Lavon informed me that she is sending us a check also. Seems she usually shares her December retirement check with all of her three boys every year for Christmas. Her boys, Bob, Vaughn and Jeff Brown all informed her that they want us to have it instead. I am so thankful to all of you. I just don't know how to thank you. We are so blessed with all our family and friends.

I hope that Ken beats the odds, is blessed with God's healing, and can help me thank all of you for your support.

And most of all, I want to thank God for the blessing of Ken in my life. Even though as you read the blog, you are overwhelmed with all the trouble we have had this past year; God knows what a blessing it was for both of us. We were blessed with time to spend together and blessed with a love that has grown to unbelievable heights. And we were blessed with all of you. Thank you God for blessing us with all these things. Only You know the outcome, the plan for us. It is through You that we love each other, our family and all our fellow readers with such importance and meaning.

Please God, continue to give Ken strength to hang on and give him the healing that all our family and friends are praying for. It is in Your hands. Thank you.

Bev

New Year's Day

Welcome 2010! Today is Ken's Mom's Birthday. Ken calls her Muzz, so Happy Birthday Muzz.

And to those that were trying to get a hold of me yesterday, sorry, I misplaced my phone. And to those that were helping me look for it, I FOUND IT. Yeah. I am so happy that I didn't really loose it. I found it in my bed at the hotel at 11:30 last night. I had called the hotel yesterday morning to see if they could find it, but of course, they couldn't find it. I told him I thought it was in the bed too. Oh well, it is found now. So I can call people again.

Ken seems a little better today. I haven't talked to any doctors yet, but his stats look very good. His oscillator is down to 70% oxygen in and he is staying between 93 & 96%. So that is great. A small step that I will take. They keep trying to bring down his sedation, but he doesn't like it. They want him on less sedation meds, but he needs more than most people. So they have to keep bringing it back up. A slow process, but steps in the right direction. I hope they go slow so he tolerates it.

Since it is Ken's mom's birthday, I am going to go get her this morning and bring her to Denver again. Our nephew's and niece are here for 1 more day, so I am taking them all to the Downtown Aquarium. One of my favorite places. The kids haven't ever seen anything like it, so this should be fun. They live in Calif, but close to the Nevada border, not by the beach. Cody is 13, Jordan 6 and Rhonda 5. Ken will be happy that I am treating them to some fun.

So hope you are having some fun today too. Don't worry about Ken today. He is with the nurses and the Lord, who loves him more than we can imagine. Together, they will take good care of him.

Happy New Year. Bev