garden hose

I have to share a story that just happened to me now around 10 pm. On Monday night when we checked in our nurse was Jan. I recognized her from my stay back in April and May. In reality, I recognize a lot of people still here. Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance that you like but for one reason or another they are just enough different from you like they are beating to their own drum? I know I am that person to some of my friends. They know what they are doing but don't always instill the greatest of confidence. Jan is just such a person to me, knowledgeable, likable, friendly and kind. But also hurried, probably because of the job. So at the end of Tuesday morning, Jan says she probably won't see me again because she doesn't come back till Friday. Who knew I would indeed still be here.
Moving to today, Friday, it is time to change my IV ports. They have to be changed every three days. I could really tell because the one closest to my left elbow was actually starting to hurt. Since I had two, the nurse went ahead and pulled it out. As I still have an active IV, she had to make a new one before she can remove the last one. This nurse is young, mid twenties. After all this is a teaching hospital. So she brings the stuff in, and is ready to try. But she can't find a vein. In either arm. So we try the hot towel technique to see if any pop out. Still she is not having much luck. She has the rope on my arm squeezing life out of it and finally says I'll try this one. An IV site isn't the same as just a poke from a sharp needle to draw blood. It has to fit into the vein a ways then tape down to attach all the stuff to it. I could barely stand it as she tried to make it work. Tough skin she said. I looked at my hands and they have become all old and wrinkly. Tough skin? My mom has skin that looks like mine. She's 83. The nurse finally stops torturing me and decides to look for a different spot. On goes gauze and tape. She trys again in a different spot, different arm. More pain, more tough skin. Same result. More gauze and tape. She says she just noticed another nurse who is a pro at starts had come in so she would send her in to do it. In about five minutes a younger nurse, didn't look 25, came in and said she would give it a try. I figured you're the professional so lets do it. We started all over again, the hot towel, the rope, picking a spot. Bingo! Spelled P-A-I-N! I thought she was digging for China. You can guess what she said. Yep, tough skin. More gauze and tape. She tried again, not to be outdone by some old bald guy. OUCH! More gauze and tape. She got a call and had to go to another room to insert someone's IV. I figured it's halftime, she said she would be back. All this had started with me sitting upright on the couch and them next to me. Now she wanted me flat on my back in bed. Super nice with a big smile, she returns. I asked her if she was successful on the other patient. She was. I said now that you are primed let's make it two in a row. We start from the beginning. Strike five. More gauze and tape. She has that worried look that I might win and ruin her record. She says one more try. One more gauze and tape. Total time start to finish, 2.5 hours.
Getting back now to my night nurse Jan. Jan looks to be my age. She comes in tonight to start the evening and notices I have the old IV and six gauze and tape spots. I am concerned because I don't want to get another blood clot. She says she'll try or wait till tomorrow. I know she gets kind of hurried so I thought okay tomorrow will be another day. 9 pm med time comes around and Jan is just about to leave when Bev wakes up from a deep slumber and asks again about the IV. Jan says just a minute and leaves. I looked at Bev. Should Jan journey were all others have failed? Too late, she's back. (This is Bev inserting in the story here. Ken didn't just look at me. He was mad at me that I had opened my mouth in concern of his IV. He didn't have confidence in Jan and didn't want her to poke his arm. But she is back...) She starts to evaluate options. Amazingly she pushes the two wristbands I wear, my red one and a yellow one, as well as the two name tags they gave me away from my wrist. I said I can take off the bands and she said I didn't even need one of the ID tags anymore. Then she said garden hose. WHAT? 2.5 hours of poking and this took less than 2 minutes. Now I started to worry. I like Jan. But does she know what she's doing? She gets her stuff. As she says again, "I have a garden hose in my backyard that's not as big as this vein" she pokes, inserts, tapes, labels and finishes faster than any rodeo calf roping. Total time start to finish, less than 4 minutes.
I kept congratulating her and she actually said it was good practice for her since she doesn't get to do to many anymore, and that mine was one of the easiest she had ever done. I love Jan!
Only one problem. She had to remove the old IV now, and you know what that meant, one more gauze and tape.
I am feeling better because I'm laughing. Make someone you know laugh today. Thank you for your prayers.