Day 1 Cancer Survivor

Katy (My Oldest daughter) sent me an email of support. Her words flowed out like an author. We talked about one day her living in a lighthouse writing and I would operate a 6-8 top restaurant in it for tourists. I cannot share my words as eloquently, but I will try.

I have cancer. I can’t believe I am saying that – or that it is true. I think I am telling everyone I meet, see or write so that it will sink in. When I met with my manger staff last Wednesday I could barely get the words out of my mouth. Now sometimes I feel I can’t wait to tell someone. Very weird. When Uncle Stan and Aunt Leah came to visit and pray, Stan said it would be okay to ask for help myself. I can not believe the amount of support and prayers that have come my way from family and friends. I believe to this day that my 50th surprise birthday was one of my top 10 days in my entire life. Now those same friends who shared in such a secret are giving me support when I am told I have cancer. It is unbelievable to me that they would do this for me. I did pray for myself asking God to change my life and use it in whatever way he chooses. If I get well, great, if I don’t have much time, make it as beneficial to others as possible. Prayers are answered sometimes out loud, sometimes quietly, sometimes we think never but just in a different way. It’s amazing but this prayer was somewhat answered when I read an email from Joyce, who basically said I have brought back what is truly important. “I thank you for giving all of us the opportunity to realize, once again, what's really important in life is the people we love and the people who love us”. That is what I prayed for. This stuff really works. I had attended church all through life but lately had fallen out of the “religious” process, but have always believed. Whatever your higher power, I have begun thanking mine each day I have awaken.

I am a cancer survivor. Even though it has been one day, I was notified for sure 3/9, I now consider myself a survivor. I’ve known for a week this was the probable outcome, and I still struggle with how I have been able to accept it so readily. I used to say “we’re all dying so quite bragging” when I would talk to someone before in pain. We all are. But now that I know my eyes are opening to what’s truly important like Joyce said. I always have tried to work hard and would push off the “on your deathbed you won’t wish you could have worked more” comments because I felt I had to support my family because I loved them. Now they are supporting me in unbelievable ways and the feeling is indescribable. I am so lucky to have the family and friends that I have. The Buick Brigade, dancing at reprom, card playing at our house or theirs, sitting at a lake BBQ, life goes on and sometimes I would forget all those little things that would bring a smile. Something like this happens and now I find myself pulling from the strength and happiness that those moments in time brought me. I have always thought that you have to live for the moment. If you are lucky, you might remember your great grandparents like I do. Most will know their grandparents and parents. Now I have my own kids and have been lucky enough to become a grandparent as well. I don’t think it matters much what the future will bring or what the past has brought, what’s important to me, especially now is what I do now. I will dance at Norah’s wedding. And hopefully she won’t get married at an early age. LOL!

Reality sets in. I watch commercials for the upcoming breast cancer walk and look into their eyes when they say I am a survivor. I watched peoples eyes when I told them I have cancer. Everyone is different, even nurses. Some have compassion, some are fearful, some are glad its me not them, everyone is different. The whole mental aspect of acceptance and moving forward is an amazing journey. When I was younger, I used to look at “old” people and bosses thinking what do they really know. Now that I am “old” I realize how mistaken I was. My body is old, I can’t do what I used to do as well, but in my mind I am still young, maybe 30. I want to share stuff that is pertinent and relevant. I want to be open to new ideas and not languish in the past. Although I do have a few good stories of the past, LOL! Time will go on, the instant drama and struggle this put into my life and those of my family and friends will be replaced by other events in life. I will hopefully get better, back to work, travel and see all my kids. But for one week, we were all brought together amazingly and shared in a common communication of prayer, concern, support. It is something I can not describe to you what that feels like.

Day 1 cancer survivor. They say if will get tougher before it gets better. I have an amazing wife to go with on this journey, along with unbelievable family and friends. Thank you so much for touching my life as you have. It will mean more to me than I can ever express. God bless you!