Dampened hopes

The leakage of kyle? (the fatty remains handled by the lymph system) into my right lung at a high rate continues to have my doctors moving the line in the sand back a little. Our plan this morning (Friday the 13th) was to remove the tube, then have my second Rituxin treatment tomorrow and sleep in my own bed tomorrow night. They have decided it best to leave it in tonight and try to remove it in the morning before the Rituxin treatment begins. There is no science to this they say, just a feeling considering me, the amount of leakage, advantages and disadvantages. I certainly know I am too much a black and white person to ever be able to be a doctor. I like to go on green and stop on red. Never have done good on yellow. They are at yellow. But we are still moving forward.

Today was the first day I walked out of my room here on the Oncology floor. We came in so fast Wednesday afternoon the surroundings never really sunk in. Bev was gone and I was ready to venture out. Immediately upon seeing all the books, pictures and pamphlets about cancer I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was finally on my own standing in my new surroundings, my new life. My emotions went all over the place. I didn't want to break down as the nurses station was just down the corridor. Luckily, the newborn section is on the same floor, so in Norah's honor that is where I headed. Things got better as I found the first Coke machine I have seen since our trip to the basement. When I finally made it to the nursery however, no babies were there to watch. So I walked the entire floor, eerily with all the big empty halls on this the 13th, then came back to my section and started to read all the pictures and pamphlets. When I told Bev, she said we are both still in a period of denial and I believe that is probably somewhat true. I told my doc Susan about this. She has been very helpful walking me through this journey of acceptance. She says she can see a drastic change in me from last week when I was first inundated with all the information. She thinks my mind is headed in the right direction which made me feel more comfortable.

So tonight, while Bev's playing bunko, I'm watching scary movies! In room 13! LOL!
Tomorrow the sun will rise again giving us all a new day to live! God bless each one of you!