Day +2 thru +6

We can't believe it is day +6 already. The days are flying by. We have actually been here in our little apartment for 2 weeks today. Ken is amazed that it has been 2 weeks. We have had a wild few days. Ken has been having a tough time, but he is way better today.

On day +2, Wed, Ken's throat was again sore, though his pain meds seemed to be helping. At least he could still eat. His sore throat is due to the chemo attacking his esophagus. He said it was about 10 times what a normal sore throat with strep feels like. We were both pretty depressed on Wed. We had made plans with my kids to have dinner with them Wed. night. But our daughter, Stephanie, caught a cold and was sick herself. And with Ken feeling so sick, we just layed around all night. I really missed the kids.

However, when he got up on Day +3, Thanksgiving Day, Ken was so miserable, I quickly snapped out of my depression. We were in the cancer center at 8 am. Ken could hardly talk. They decided to give Ken a fentanol patch to wear that would distribute pain meds in a more even and consistent way. We had a little trouble finding a pharmacy open, but we had the patch on at noon on Thurs. Unfortunately, the patch takes 6-12 hours to kick in, so he was miserable all day. He kept taking his other pain pills and was at least able to drink a few things.

On Friday, day +4, his pain was the same. The doctors and nurses told us that there wasn't anything they could do to fix the sores. They can only help manage the pain. The sores won't heal until his counts start going up. They said to keep doing his swish and spit with soda water and to keep taking his pain med on top of his patch if he needed it. Our daughter, Tessa, came to visit us Friday late afternoon. She was coming to help us for the weekend. Ken perked up when she got here and he felt a little better. But by 5:00, he was running a fever over 101. So we called the doctor and he sent a home health nurse out to visit us. She started an antibiotic drip and taught Tessa and I how to administer the drip as well. We are now doing the drip at home 3 times a day, at 6 am, 2 pm and 10 pm. We will do this for a few days, till his fever stops and his blood cultures come back. It is weird to hook him up the IV pole at home. We were up late Friday night till midnight. Then Ken's fever spiked again at 2 am, so Ken and I were up from 2-4, calling the doctor again. We gave him Tylenol and after an hour, his fever finally went down. We are to call the doc any time his fever is over 100.5, day or night. We aren't suppose to give him Tylenol unless the doctor tells us too. They don't want to mask the fever and not know when an infection may be setting in. So we have to wait for the fever and then treat it. Hopefully, the antibiotics will help soon.

On Sat, day +5, I was up at 5:00, getting my shower and starting the day. I needed to hook Ken to the antibiotic at 6, so it was a short night. We went to the doc at 8:00 am again. Tessa went with us to see what life in the cancer center is like. Of course it was a holiday weekend, so it was pretty quiet. Ken was getting worse. He could hardly open his mouth to eat. He can't move his tongue around his mouth very well. Everything is hard to eat. So he is drinking with a straw and trying to eat Popsicles, banana flavor of course. Though his taste buds are all wacky, so the banana isn't very enjoyable. The doctor advised us to put on a second patch, so now Ken is wearing 2 patches and has twice the fentanol releasing. He is still taking his oral pain killer as well. As soon as we got home at noon, Ken's fever spiked again. I called the doc, gave him Tylenol and left him in Tessa's capable care. I went to Fort Collins to visit the house, get the mail, visit Ken's mom and run some errands. It was sad to be home without Ken. I was blessed with an angel when I walked in the door. I was expecting to need to put back all the furniture after our carpets were cleaned. But instead, my friend Terry had come over and put everything back. Bless her heart and hard work. I was able to spend my time looking for some stuff that Ken and wanted in Denver. Thank you Terry and Alan too. I really appreciate the help. Tessa took good care of Ken. She did his 2:00 antibiotic drip, connected his IV line. They watched a football game and talked most of the afternoon. By the time I got home, Ken was feeling much better. The second patch has kicked in. He actually ate 2 bowls of ice cream Saturday night.

Sunday, Day +6, was a completely different day. Ken didn't have any fevers during the night, so we both got some much needed sleep, even though we had been up till about 1:00 talking to Tessa the night before. Ken just felt so much better, he wanted to keep talking to her. Ken ate oatmeal for breakfast, about half of it. We went to the doctor and found out his counts that had been slipping every day, have finally hit rock bottom. They sent us to the hospital for some platelets. Amazingly, it only took a few minutes to drip the platelets, so it was a quick visit to the 4th floor. We were released by noon. Ken wanted to go somewhere, so we put him in a mask and walked around Target for a few minutes. We did a little bit of Christmas shopping and enjoyed the time there. I know, I am married to a man that likes to shop. Weird, but he just likes to look around. When we got back to the apartment, the turkey breast I was cooking in the crock pot smelled wonderful. I made some stuffing, mashed potatoes and corn. Ken was hungry and ate a little bit of everything. It is so good to see him eat again. He even ate pumpkin pie and then pears for dessert. His appetite is back, though it still hurts to swallow. At least I think we finally have the pain level under control.

Day +7 will be a long day. It is a 6 hour doctor day. Don't know what they will be doing for 6 hours. But they will be sending Ken for another blood transfusion afterwards. The blood takes about 4 hours in the hospital.

Let me catch you up on the baby calendar, if you are interested. It has been such a joy to turn the page every day.

Nov. 24th, 31 days 'till I see my Grandpa. Norah wrapped in her bath towel with a cute smile. It says, 'There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them' - Sylvia Plath
Nov. 25th, 30 days 'till I see my Grandpa. Norah in her Mommy and I love to shop shirt. She is sitting up in the corner of the couch. She is so cute and looks so much like Grandpa in this picture. 'In time of trouble...He shall set me upon a rock.
Psalms 27:5
Nov. 26th, 29 days 'till I see my Grandpa. Thanksgiving day. Young close up of Norah. She is so little. 'Never...Never...Never...Never Give Up!' - Winston Churchill.
Nov. 27th, 28 days 'till I see me Grandpa. Norah sitting in her chair that attaches to the counter. Her arms are in the air and she is looking right at the camera. 'Your courage is this big' - Norah Kaufman.
Nov. 28th, 27 days 'till I see my Grandpa. Norah a few months old in a very big pink snow suit. 'Give yourself room to grow'
Nov. 29th, 26 days 'till I see my Grandpa. Norah, curled up on her tummy, sleeping like a baby. It says, 'Do whatever makes you comfortable.'

Can't wait till tomorrow to see what the pictures is. Tomorrow is Norah's first birthday. Wow, she is a year already. Everybody say, Happy Birthday Little Norah. You have been a small and precious miracle that has helped Ken and me in abundant ways this year. Thinking of Norah and skypeing with her has been an amazing inspiration for Ken. Have a great Birthday Norah. We miss you and love you to the moon and back. Can't wait to see you again.

Day +1 - The pain begins

First I'll say that I posted a Day 0 just a few minutes ago. I don't want you to miss that post since it is full of pictures. Make sure you scroll down far enough to read it as well, or click on Day 0 in the blog archives.
Day +1 wasn't as fun for Ken as day 0. He woke up with a very sore throat. They have been telling him all along that his mouth and throat could get sores. They had us buy a baby soft toothbrush to use. They have him swishing and spitting with soda water 4 times a day. This is to prevent mouth sores. But his throat started it all. We didn't go to the clinic till 2:00, so he suffered all morning with his throat. He ate some oatmeal for breakfast, but didn't eat much lunch.
When we got to the clinic, they gave him another swish and swallow gel stuff. It smelled like cinnamon and he said it burned like it as well, but it did soothe his throat a little. The doc gave him a pain pill as well. We filled the prescription on the way home and he took it as soon as we got here. The pain pill helped a bunch. Ken was able to eat dinner and felt much better. More energy in the evening and he slept well. Guess we will start the soft food regiment, mashed potatoes, applesauce, jello, soup. His favorites. Good thing spaghetti is soft. I'm expecting mouth sores to be Ken's biggest problem. The doc and nurses say it will get worse before it gets better since he really doesn't have an immune system to fix it. So they said he will hurt until his counts pick up in a few weeks. Poor guy. I say bring on the pain pills. He may get a pain patch as well that distributes pain meds slowly and consistently.
We'll see how he does today. Day +2. He is still sleeping this morning, so that is a good sign. No high fevers yet, just a slight one yesterday. We don't go in till 12:30 today, so hope he can rest this morning. The rest of the week, we have to be there at 8:00. So this is his last day this week to sleep in.
In case this is the last chance you get to read this before Thanksgiving, we hope you all have a happy time with family and friends. Be sure to tell everyone how thankful you are for them. We couldn't be getting thru this without all your support. We are so thankful for all of you as well. God Bless You and Your Loved Ones. God Bless Ken too.

Day 0 - Ken gets stem cells

Here is a pictorial of Ken's stem cell collection. If you want to see a picture bigger, remember that you can click on the picture to make it larger.


This is Callee, the nurse that is going to give Ken his cells. The day started with Ken getting fluids for 2 hours in a drip. They gave him Tylenol, benedryl, and some other pre-drugs to help with the stem cell push. Mostly to help Ken relax.




This is the freezer that the cells are transported to the center in. The tub on the cart is the outside and the metal round freezer on the left sits inside of the big tub during transport. Ken's cells are inside the round freezer on the left.




This is the 'hot dog' cooker. This is where they thaw out the cells before giving them to Ken. They soak them in water to thaw.




This is where Christie is taking the cells out of the freezer. If you look closely, you can see the steam coming off the bottom. Notice her thick gloves. It's like handling dry ice.





This is Ken and his cells. You can really see the steam in this picture.





Ken's bag is cooking. Ken was a good giver of stem cells. Since he gave up his 15 million cells in just one draw a couple of weeks ago, he only has 1 bag to get now. The nurses said they had a guy this week that got 5 bags a day for 2 days. He wasn't a star giver like Ken.





Ken is ready. They have hooked up one of his 3 lines to a syringe. He is getting more instructions. They are thorough at telling us what is going to happen.




Here is comes. You can just see the blood with the stem cells starting down the tube to Ken. The nurse pushes it all in slowly. Takes only about 15 minutes. The candy on the pillow is there for Ken. He is sucking on another as she pushes. They say that the back of your throat gets a tickle during the push and sucking on candy helps eliminate the tickle. Ken felt it, but it wasn't bad with the candy. He likes butterscotch.





More pushing, slow but sure. The nurse talks to Ken about his family. She makes sure he is calm and at ease.




We are almost done. After this, she hooked up some saline into the bag to mix and get the last drops of cells out of the bag and into Ken. Interesting Transplant Process.




And now Ken sleeps. After the push, they give Ken another 2 hours of fluid drip. The fluids that they freeze the stem cells with aren't good for Ken's kidneys, so they give him lots of fluid to flush the kidneys. They give him lasix as well to help clear him out.


Ken feels great at this point. We are done at around 2:30 and are released. but I didn't tell you the funniest part of the day yet. Do I smell Cream Corn? During the push of the stem cells, the nurses warned me that I might smell garlic or cream corn. It is offensive to some, but Ken will not smell it. Only those around him. Boy was she right. He is stinky. Good thing I like cream corn. It was so strong, even our counselor mentioned it when she came into our room an hour after his push. I had to drive around with my window down when I was taking him home. We stopped in a Hallmark store on the way home. Ken was looking at Thanksgiving day cards. This poor unsuspecting lady came up beside him to look as well. I was down the isle and watched her. She coughed, sniffed, then coughed again. Then she moved away quickly. Poor Ken, he has no idea it is so strong. We stopped at another store to buy a candle for our hotel room. They said the smell could last as long as 48 hours. The smell comes from the cryogenics they use to freeze his cells. Luckily, Ken only smelled till the next morning. (I slept on our little couch). I feel sorry for the family of the guy that got 10 bags. Wow. The nurse told me the next day that some people put Vick's under their noses to mask the smell. Now she tells me.
All in all, it was a good birthday for Ken. He still felt great and was happy to be getting on with it. Love you all. Happy Birthday Ken. I love you most.

It is early Monday morning. Ken is still sleeping. We don't have to be at the clinic till 8:30. It's a big day today. Ken's new birthday, they say. He gets his new(old) stem cells today. We are excited, but nervous as well. They say to bring the camera and take pictures today. Bummer, I broke the camera last weekend. I dropped it and now the screen doesn't work. We are taking it in today. Maybe they can fix it. We bought a cheap one for today. We'll see if it works.

Sunday was supposed to be our day off after the 6 days of chemo, but Ken's counts were to low and he ended up in the hospital for 5 hours getting 2 pints of blood. He really didn't want to have to get a blood transfusion, but the RMCC nurse, Christie, told us that it is very uncommon for a transplant patient not to get blood. In fact, Ken may have to get blood 5-10 times through this. So have you ever given blood to a blood bank? I do quite often. Mainly because it is easy for me. They come right to the Student Center where we work. Ken did it once with me a few years back, but he didn't like it. I get called from them all the time, especially since I have O- blood. Everyone can use my blood, but other O- patients can only get O- blood. Ken is O+. I tried to give blood specifically for Ken once. But did you know it is next to impossible to do that? You have to know the exact date they will need it, like if they have surgery or something. And it costs over $500. I guess it is too hard for them to keep track of it now.

While Ken was in the hospital giving blood, I tucked him in, kissed him goodbye and left for a few hours. It gave me a chance to go back to Fort Collins and check on things at home. It was great to be there, if only for 20 minutes. I picked up the mail and a few other things we wanted. Tessa is suppose to come to Denver next weekend to give me a break. I am hoping to get back then for more time. The carpets are getting cleaned this week, so I will be able to put the house back together again. I am hoping to decorate for Christmas a little, since the kids are coming in Dec. We'll see. Ken says I need to wait till we get home. But Norah will be there, I don't want to be decorating then.

Here's the update on Norah's calendar...
Nov. 21st, 34 days till I see my Grandpa. Picture of Norah with one of her first laughs, great pic. Says, 'Once you choose hope, any thing's possible.' - Christopher Reeve.
Nov. 22nd, 33 days till I see my Grandpa. Smiling Norah in a cute pink sweater. 'Say you are well, or all is well with you, and God shall hear your words and make them true.' Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
Nov. 23rd, 32 days till I see me Grandpa. A tiny Norah laying in some one's hands with a big yawn. Cute. 'In three works I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on' Robert Frost

Ken just got up. So much for sleeping in today. He wants to blog, so bye for now. Love to everyone and hope you have a great holiday week. Bev

Day -2 Celebrations

Celebrations! They can be fun, exciting, a sense of achievement. They can also be quieter, a sense of accomplishment then moving on to a next step. Day minus 2 I experienced both.

Saturday, day minus 2. It all seems to be going so fast now. It took two months to prepare for this, getting ready mentally and physically. Preparing to move, planning who will take care of what, etc. Now it's day minus two. The last day of chemo. Today I received Melphalan (alkeran) the M chemo of BEAM. It's now done. BEAM is over. Let the celebration begin. Maybe quietly. It's a milestone if I never have to take chemo again, but my mind can't let that go just yet. It has become such a part of my life. All of the chemo I have been taking talk about side effects and Melphalan has all of the same side effects as the others I have mentioned previously. To me the scariest is the secondary malignancy, leukemia may occur. Yet I feel fine, like I could go to work. I do miss work. The doc says I really won't feel the effects of this chemo regimen BEAM until next week maybe starting around day+5 or so. Then I might not be feeling so well. But today is the end, hopefully. A cautious, quiet celebration.

Thankfully, a real celebration also occurred today. Norah had her first birthday party! Thanks to Anna who was visiting Katy and Mark in Chicago for the big day, she hooked us up to a website so we could watch and listen to the party from our hotel room. They placed the computer on the counter and we got to watch presents being opened. The best part to watch was Norah's first experience with cake. She was so cute. She made a mess but no too bad. She had more fun feeding the cake to her parents I think. Katy and Mark had a houseful of close friends to help celebrate. It was a great party. In her honor, Bev and I bought a small cupcake and ice cream and celebrated along with her here in our room. We toasted when Katy gave the toast. All things considered, since we couldn't be there, it was the next best thing. It was a great party, a wonderful celebration of one year of life already. Amazing how time flies.

My wish is that all of your upcoming celebrations be what you want them to be, loud and exciting or a sense of quiet accomplishment. Each day is given to us and we can't ever get it back. We should celebrate often!

First Week

I cannot believe it is Friday already. The last 7 days have flown by. This is Bev. Let me catch you up on some things Ken has missed in his blog. First, I am so excited and happy that Ken is doing so well. He really hasn't had much trouble with the chemo so far. The first day was a little tough, but only for an hour. The rest of the day was fine. Ken had 1 night that he was asleep at 6:00, but the rest of the nights, he has felt great and has been up helping me get settled in. We have been to the store numerous times to stock the refrigerator. We can't shop all in the same day because of the per Diem we are allowed each day. We want the insurance to cover as much as they can.

We had a nice evening on Wed. Our son Jeff came over, I cooked dinner, he helped us move furniture in the apartment, hooked up our Wii and played cards. It was a fun night. It felt normal. Ken and I loved it.

We are staying pretty close to Cherry Creek Mall. We found a new route to the RMCC that isn't driving on Colorado Blvd. It is a little prettier and not quite as busy. But we are glad we don't still live in Denver and have to drive in this everyday.

Our apartment is ok. It is small, but easy to get to. They have cable and HBO, so we have lots of TV to watch. Luckily, there are 2 TV's. I didn't have to miss Grey's Anatomy last night. Yeah. We have a living room, kitchen, bedroom with a king size bed and a bathroom. Our room overlooks the Cherry Creek. It seems quiet as well.

Ken has had the hiccups most nights, but not to bad. At least they aren't making him throw up. I'm so thankful. They say he may not get really sick till day +5, so we may have another week of feeling ok. I can't imagine doing this and being stuck in a hospital room. Ken feels way to healthy to be stuck in a room. We are doing ok.

Ken is an awesome guy. The first day we were here, I overheard the receptionist talking on the phone asking for men's hats. The center gets lots of women's hats that people knit and make, but they get very few men's hats. I mentioned it to Ken, thinking maybe we could donate one of his famous hats. But he said, "Maybe Stephanie can help." Steph, our daughter, used to work for Zephyr hats. She put us in contact with the owner of Zephyr Hats and as of this afternoon, they have already shipped 160 hats to the Rocky Mountain Cancer Center. Can you believe that? Just from overhearing the need, we were able to get them all these hats. The receptionist told us that every day she hears from guys that they wish they had guys hats to chose from. These hats will probably be baseball style hats from college and hockey teams. This will be great for the guys that come here for treatment. The CSU Bookstore sells Zephyr hats. The cancer center is very grateful. It's a blessing.

And here is the coolest thing Ken hasn't yet told you about. Our granddaughter and her parents sent Ken a book last week. There were instructions not to open it till Ken started Chemo, so we brought it to the cancer center last Monday. The book is a calendar countdown with 8 X 10 pictures of Norah. The instructions say that we can only look at 1 page a day. It has been tempting, but we are doing just that. Norah and Katy and Mark are coming to see us for Christmas. So each picture has the date with 39 days till I see my Grandpa. It is so sweet. Each picture also has a famous quote that goes with the picture. So I will recount what we have seen so far.
Title is "World's Greatest Photo Album Calendar Ever Created"
Page 1, November 16, 39 days till I see my Grandpa. It is a picture of Katy and Norah in the first day that she was born. Quote "Every Child begins the World again." Henry David Thoreau
Page 2, November 17, 38 days till I see my Grandpa. The picture is of Ken holding a sleeping tiny Norah, the first time we saw her when she was just a few weeks old. Ken is looking at Norah. Quote "Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve
November 18, 37 days till I see my Grandpa. The picture is of Bev holding a sleeping Norah during our first visit last December. We are sitting on a couch and Ken is leaning on Bev's shoulder. All three of us are resting with our eyes closed. Quote "I will give you peace and quietness." - I Chronicles 16:11
November 19, 36 days till I see my Grandpa. The picture is of Ken holding a grinning Norah. Ken is smiling at her and showing her his coke can. Quote "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
November 20, 35 days till I see my Grandpa. The picture is of Ken with Norah in his lap. He is touching her tiny head and she is looking at the camera. Quote "Children represent God's most generous gift to us." James Dobson
November 21, ..... can't look yet. It isn't the 21st. Man we want to look ahead. But it will be fun to see each picture each day. I'll try to blog and include the info on the calendar.

So today, Ken and I had our last little outing. Since Ken was feeling well, we left the cancer center at 10:30. We went to our apartment for lunch and then went to a movie at the Cherry Creek Mall. We barely made it back to the cancer center by 2:30, but it was worth it. We saw the new Blind Side movie that came out today. It was excellent. Especially nice knowing it was based on a true story. It was great. We recommend it.

Tomorrow, Ken may have to get a blood transfusion. We are not sure. If he does, we will spend the morning in the cancer center and the afternoon in the hospital. We are hoping that he doesn't need the transfusion till Sunday. We are planning to Skype with our Granddaughter in the afternoon to watch her birthday party. It will be so fun to see her eat her first cake. She was walking last time we skyped. We love seeing her. Can't wait till we get to hold her again.

Ken is almost done with his afternoon chemo, so bye for now. God Bless everyone and safe travels to you and your loved ones over the Thanksgiving holidays.

Day -4 - Anticipation

I love ketchup on lots of things. Eggs, burgers, fries, all the normal things. It is my favorite condiment. I have associated for years the Carly Simon song Anticipation to the movement of ketchup. LOL! Here in Denver I have been feeling a lot of anticipation. Although not necessarily about what I thought it would be about.

I am so thankful I am not in the hospital but instead able to do this as outpatient so far. This allows me to still drive around with Bev and even go into Target and King Soopers while I still feel well. I just avoid sick people. And don't touch much of anything. And use lots of sanitizer. But these visits are really making me anticipate the holidays.

For years in Fort Collins I have been one of those types that are standing in line at 3 am waiting for Best Buy to open on black Friday. I had been lucky enough to always at least be along the front of the store before the line turned down the side and went back and across to Savers. One year my item, a VCR player was in a stack right inside the door. I was able to pick it up right away, and maybe one more small item up front, and I was the first to be rung out through the registers. I held my conquest up high as I exited while others were still streaming in and received many cheers! It was strangely exhilarating.

Several years ago we were staying with my in laws in the Phoenix area. At the last minute of Thanksgiving night, Bev and I decided to hit a Target store for black Friday. Sure enough, this time she let me off and I was first in line, a first ever. I stayed there overnight and later she came and spelled me to be able to sleep a little in the car. It's a lot warmer in Phoenix than in Fort Collins to stand outside all night. LOL! The crowds grew. It was fun meeting others and planning strategies about how to attack the store. As the time got near, the staff would come out and introduce themselves and even had snacks. They would explain their rule of no running once the doors opened. Finally they were ready and so were we. They opened the doors and I have never done speed walking faster back to the electronics department on the far side of the store than that morning. Just about a third of the way, all of a sudden I was passed up by a guy running by the checkout lanes in the main aisle. People behind me were hollering that this guy was running and not to be outdone I started hollering and pointing at him also. Target employees were great. They stopped the guy and told him he had to leave because of no running. Just like they said. I'm not sure to this day what finally happened because I just kept speed walking to my destination to get some very inexpensive photo frames that replay pictures over and over. It was the rage that year. It was fun to me to get caught up in the crowds. It has been ever since I was a little boy going to North Park shopping center in Dallas standing on the second floor looking down and only seeing heads as far as the eye could see.

Two months ago I was anticipating a much different scenario for this time. Death. I was afraid I would die around the holidays and thought how terrible that would be for my family and friends. I was contemplating making my will and "Five Wishes" concerning how I would like things to end. How would my funeral service go? Who would the minister be? What music would play? Would everyone leave drinking a coke? To be honest only a third of this stuff has been decided. I am still not ready. I am anticipating better things ahead.

I believe there is no better time than Thanksgiving and the entire Christmas season to anticipate change for everything. Thanksgiving provides the perfect time to be thankful for all that we have; to be able to forgive those we struggle to forgive during the year, to count our blessings for family, friends, health, living in the Untied States of America as well as many other blessings God has given us. I am thankful I am still alive after quite a year of change. I am thankful for my family and friends, doctors/nurses and hospitals, the military, and a new sense of everyone I run into being more friendly than what I remember before cancer.

Christmas to me brings the season of hope. Jesus is the reason for the season. I can not honestly say I have been a good Christian most of my life. I am more one of those that would go to church to ask forgiveness then not forgive or live right during the following week. I am a sinner and have struggled most of my life. There have been those moments when I knew that God was with me however so I do know that he exists. I have just forgotten about that when it was more convenient to me. The anticipation of a birth of any child, grandchild or whoever is always a happy and exciting time for all involved. I know this joy again this year at the birth of Norah our granddaughter and Bella Claire, Ben and Mary's daughter. This year more than ever I feel the upcoming birth of Jesus means more to me now than ever. I do not feel the fear of death as much now as the anticipation of the upcoming year.

That is not to say that I don't anticipate the challenges ahead with a little fear. As I write this, I am hiccuping again. That has become my badge of chemo. I hate it but have to accept it. The docs and nurses say that day +5 I will probably start going downhill as the chemo takes effect before my stem cells take hold and boost my immunity. They say it will be harder then anything I have been through. They are already saying that I might need infusions of blood before this weekend is out due to low counts. For one hour this past Monday I struggled mightily with my first dose of BEAM when I thought I was on fire. I know challenges lie ahead.

But all I want to do is anticipate what I would do for shopping on black Friday! It's the hunter gatherer part of me. It is after all only one week away! LOL!

What are you anticipating for the holidays? I sincerely hope all your wishes come true. You have certainly made my year and Bev's more survivable by your support. Thank you and God Bless You!

Day -6 and -5

Today is a beautiful day in Denver that God has given us. Today is day zero minus 5 meaning five more days until day zero when I will receive my stem cells. I feel remarkably well. I am eating good. My doctor I have been seeing is Dr. McSweeney for the past three days. He said I am doing good so far.

The nutritionist Elizabeth said that what is "normal" is that I will probably feel good between now and day zero plus five, so about ten more days. This is not what I was expecting. I had assumed once I started high dose BEAM that I would be feeling nauseous and vomiting like I had when I would go through the RCHOP regimen. Elizabeth said that will probably start around zero plus five. The doc said that is when I could develop mouth sores, which they talk about a lot. Also, blood transfusions, platelet transfusions, spiking temperatures etc. are all on the horizon. Things I knew were coming but thought they would be here now. I am so glad I am doing this as outpatient at this time. I can't imagine feeling this good and being cooped up in a hospital room for 24/7.

The chemo I am now getting is called Etoposide (VP-16). Side effects are:
Nausea and vomiting
Hypersensitvity/Anaphylatic reaction - an allergic reaction that may cause itching, hives, swelling, difficulty breathing, sudden decrease in blood pressure resulting in fever and chills
Pancytopenia - a decrease in red and white blood cells and platelets which will require protection from bleeding and infection
Mucositis/Esophagitis - Inflammation and destruction of the cell lining along the mouth, throat and stomach - may cause bleeding pain and diarrhea
Alopecia - loss of hair several weeks after chemo (too bad because mine was just starting to grow back in LOL!)
Reproductive dysfunction - sterility
Peripheral neuropathies - numbness and or tingling in hands and feet
Rediation recall - won't affect me as I have not had to have any radiation
Hyperpigmentation - darkening of the skin tone
Veno-0cclusive disease - injury to the liver accompanied by an elevated bilirubin level; may result in weight gain, right side abdominal discomfort, enlarged liver, yellowing of the eyes and skin - usually happens between days +7 and +28 of my protocol if it occurs

The veno-occlusive disease sounds a little scary. As the doc says the worst is yet to come, but hopefully not all of this happens to everyone. I am hoping for the best.

All I would like to say is enjoy your day, love your family and friends, thank God for our good fortune to be alive. Thank you for your support!

I'm on fire

Today started slow and with a little anxiety that Bev mentions previously. Once they decide to proceed it started off slow with a saline drip. Then I received BCNU (carmustine). This is a drug given to destroy cancer cells. Mary my nurse gave me a sheet and explained the side effects of BCNU. They are:
Nausea and vomiting - self explanatory
Hypotension - may cause a decrease in blood pressure which can lead to dizziness and passing out
Pancytopenia - a possible prolonged decrease in white and red cells and platelets which will require protection from infection
Muscosistis/Esophagitis - inflammation and destruction of the cell lining along the mouth, throat and stomach, may cause bleeding pain and diarrhea
Alopecia - partial or complete loss of body hair several weeks after therapy
Hyperpigmentation - darkening of the skin tone, a tan appearance
Pulmonary toxicity - thickening of the lung tissue which may occur up to several years later
Ocular toxicity - visual changes which may begin as seeing spots
Liver dysfunction - reversible injury to the liver which may cause jaundice of skin and eyes and rarely coma
Reproductive dysfunction - may cause sterility (thank God I have wonderful kids)
Secondary Malignancy - acute leukemia may also occur (the scariest of all side effects)

Knowing these, I am at the point of no return. This was literally the last moment I could back out of the entire transplant process. Once I begin my counts will go down so low that the doctors will make me continue. I have come this far. So I begin. All goes well during the first two hours. I have lunch of mac and cheese. Then several more hours and all of a sudden my mouth starts burning. My lips tingle as if they are burned from the hottest peppers I have ever eaten. The inside of my mouth is hot and won't stop burning. I start to sweat on the top of my head, yet begin to have have chills from my chest down. My blood pressure is dropping fast enough that Mary now calls in more help. She starts taking my blood pressure every few minutes. It is low at 80 over 50. Bev puts multiple blankets on me for the chills, a wet cloth on my head. I can't bear to open my eyes but I can hear what is going on. Mary says I am almost done but changes the flow of the BCNU. My blood pressure is becoming stable at least. They stop the BCNU and fill me with fluids which is causing the chills. I can't drink because my mouth hurts so bad, but then that finally starts to go away. I lose track of what is going on around me and fall asleep. Bev says the nurses keep tracking me and Mary stays with me until all is normal again. She starts the BCNU again and it finally finishes. I thanked her for staying with me when I woke back up an hour later. I took multiple nausea medicines and now I feel fine. I'm not even hurting in my chest very much like I was over the weekend.

We stopped at King Soopers to get some groceries then came "home". We had lasagna. I'm still hungry. A good sign. No signs of the hangover effect they told me I would have, just the munchies LOL! Day -7 is just about over.

God bless each one of you who read this and for your support!

Day -7

We are at the Rocky Mountain Cancer Center and they have finally started Ken's procedures. We got here at 7:30 this morning, they drew blood and then spent 2 hours talking to doctors here and calling doctors in MCR. They at first weren't going to start Ken today since he had been in the hospital. But the green light came thru for us and they decided to start. Ken is sleeping now while they do a 2 hour saline solution drip. The nurse is suppose to come back in an hour or so and train us more on what to expect, but she gave us a preview. After his 2 hour saline/potassium drip, they will start the chemo for another 2 hour drip. She said that one simulates drinking alcohol. Kind of like going to the bar and having 3 margaritas or martinis. She said it may or may not affect you. Some people experience the hangover without the fun. He may be light headed and dizzy. Since Ken is a lightweight drinker, I bet he is wobbly as well. This could be interesting. We are just glad that they didn't have to delay. We are ready to get this over with.
Yesterday was an exhausting day for both of us. After getting Ken home from the hospital, I continued to pack and get things ready. At 5:00, I realized I couldn't finish alone, so I called in a few friends to help. Thank you to Stephanie Kemp and Terry Williamson. You were live savers. They helped load the car, finish packing and move all the furniture around so the carpet cleaner can come in. I felt great about getting it all done. We said our goodbyes, gave hugs and got in the car. We didn't even get out of the drive way and Ken asked if we could go out to eat. He had been wanting a salad and wanted to go to Olive Garden for spaghetti and salad. How could I turn him down. He won't get salad for 3 months. So at 7:30, we were going to dinner. It is a good thing, because while we ate, I was able to relax a little before the drive to Denver. And we went over the list of things we brought and realized we forgot a few things. Gave us a chance to stop home and pick them up. We also were joined at dinner by Linda and Ed Carpenter. It was nice to see them and visit for a bit. We didn't get to the hotel till 11:00, I unloaded the car. Luckily they had bellhop carts and it only took me 2 trips. Ken is on a 5 lb weight limit again, so he wasn't much help. I was completely exhausted and sore by the time I crawled into bed at midnight. I'm still sore this morning.
At least we made it here and all is well. I just have to go "home" and get organized, to our new home. Weird to think we will be in that little apartment for 5-6 weeks. It is smaller than I remembered. But it will do. At least it is clean, or it will be by tonight.
Our days will all be numbered now. The day Ken gets his Stem Cells, next Monday, is called day zero. They count backwards thru the days before, so today is day -7. Tomorrow will be day -6 etc., till his new birthday, day 0. Then we could up, day +1, day +10, etc. Till day +45 when he will be stronger. So, happy Day -7. Ready or not, here we go.

Superstar strikes again!

Ken has a green light. No blockages to take care of, so we are off to Denver. Actually, Ken is still in MCR, resting. I came home to pack. I have to pick him up around 2:30, finish some laundry, run a couple of errands and we are off to Denver on schedule for tomorrow. Ken is elated. His heart has always worried him, so now he knows for sure that he is strong and can do this. He is smiling from here to Texas.

Ken just went to surgery

We never expected this. On Thursday, when Ken got the results from him prostate biopsy, Vicki, the transplant coordinator said that was all we were waiting for. We had a green light to move forward with the transplant. She said just don't get sick. We are now sitting at a yellow light. He just went into surgery for an angiogram. They think there may be a blockage in his heart. Please God, let him be safe and no blockage. If he is ok, they will send him back to his room and he will be here for a day. Then we will get the green light and head to Denver. It will delay his transplant for a day or two. No big deal. But if there is a blockage and they have to put in a stint, wow, red light. It will hold things up for about a month. That will not be good. So, we should know in an hour or so, by 11:30 Denver time. I'll blog and start making phone calls. I'm staying confident till they tell me not to. Hope the news is great. Bev

Ken is in the hospital again

Here we go again. I brought Ken to the emergency room of Medical Center of the Rockies last night. They admitted him for chest pain. Ken had been hurting in his chest all day Saturday. Said it felt like someone had kicked him in the chest. We thought it might be his blood clots in his lungs or maybe his heart, so we braved the snow and came to the hospital. So far, they have run 2 sets of blood tests, 2 EKG's, a chest x-ray and a cat scan. I received the reports from the scan and x-ray this morning from the nurse, but I am waiting for the doctor to get here to really tell us what is going on. These people are great and the hospital is so new an beautiful. But... they are comparing things to the last time he was here and that was clear back in April. So much has happened since then.
Preliminary report from the nurse shows that his blood clots in his lungs are gone. Great news. But he might have fluid, dead spots or scarring in his lung. Well, he has scarring from the Thorasic Duct Ligation they did in April in Denver, so yeah he has scarring. Does he have fluid too. We just need to send the results to Denver and have them compare them to the scans from 2 weeks ago. I sure hope he doesn't have fluid, that would mean his pneumonia is back.
The nurse did say that Ken's heart rate goes way up when he gets up out of bed, so I am a little worried about that. But this nurse seems a little to eager to tell me the bad stuff, so I am keeping good thoughts till I talk to the doctor. He is going to be fine. He feels a little better this morning. Wish the doc would hurry up and get here.
But I will say this. I wish we could be doing this transplant with our Denver doctors, but in this hospital. If you every need to go to a hospital in this area, it is definitely worth the drive out here. The rooms are private, the staff is very attentive. We got right into the ER, no waiting. It is so much better than PVH. They had his Xray, blood test results and were sending him up for his cat scan all within the first hour last night. They are much slower at other hospitals.
I better get back down to Ken's room. If you don't hear from us right away, expect that all is well. If they say we can go home, we will have the snow to contend with, but we will blog again when we get home. I feel like a broken record to keep asking for your prayers, so I will just say thanks for praying for him and God Bless You this beautifully white Sunday morning. Love You, Bev

Great news

Great news! My prostate biopsy came back completely clean, no sign of any cancer. I will have a followup exam in about six months. But for now, everything is clean and a go for Monday, BEAM day. Have a great weekend! Thanks for your support.

I appreciate my folks.

Wow, it is Friday. We are moving in 2 days. Ken has been busy helping to get his mother settled before we move. Things are crazy in the house. I have a new appreciation for my parents. They are snow birds and they spend 6 months in Grand Island, Nebraska and 6 months in Apache Junction, Arizona. How do they pack for that? I am having trouble packing for 6 weeks and I will only be 60 miles away. Do we need a potato peeler, the crock pot, the printer, the Wii. Definitely the Wii. Ken won't be able to go to the hotel gym, so the wii will be his exercise tool.

I see he gave you our address in the last blog. I just wanted to put my protective two cents in just in case. We will be able to get mail there, but I'll be the one to open it and show it to him. We can't get anything delivered that can't be washed with hot water or wiped down with antiseptic wipes. So no flowers or plants. No herbs or spices. No outside meals. Not that we expect you to send us anything, I am just reminding everyone. Our apartment needs to stay very sterile.

Ken especially won't be able to be around any kids under 18. He won't be able to go to a store because of this. He will be quarantined till at least Jan. 7th, day 0+45. We are excited that our granddaughter is coming to see us for Christmas. This will only be days 30-35 or so. We asked Vicki, our transplant coordinator, about her visiting us. I am so glad we asked, because she said it would be fine as long as she is healthy and she hasn't had her immunizations within 6 weeks of her visit. No MMR or Chicken Pox immunizations as they have live virus in them. She can go ahead and get her H1N1 booster as scheduled since she is getting the shot and not the mist. Thank goodness we asked when we did. The very next day was 6 weeks out. So Mark, her daddy, called the pediatrician and they said they can hold off on her other shots until Jan. That made this Grandma very happy.

In case you are wondering, our dogs are doing great. They are snow birds with my parents. I took them to Phoenix a few weeks ago. Mom and Dad say that we can't have them back. They really like having them around. The baby stroller frame with the basket underneath has been perfect for Teddy, our older dog. We put a pillow in the basket and she just sits there while they push her around the neighborhood. She loves it. And the best part is that it is getting my parents out to walk everyday. Mom feels much more steady hanging onto the stroller, so she is walking safer. It is working like a walker for her, but doesn't look like one. And the dogs, miss us too. Haley has been found sleeping in the room we usually stay in while in Phoenix. But other than that, they are doing great. Ken and I miss them like crazy. It will be easier once we move to Denver. But will be hard again once we come home. If you know anyone that is traveling over the holidays to Phoenix that wouldn't mind bringing our little dogs back with them, let us know. We don't want to wait till Ken is strong enough to travel to get them back, so I am looking for help. They are great car travelers. Very quiet dogs. I wonder if there are any students going home for Christmas that would have room. We could help pay for their gas. Keep your ears open for us.

I better get busy and finish the kitchen before I go to work. I need to throw in more laundry too. So bye for now. Bev

New address

I have been selected to do outpatient transplant instead of inpatient at PSL, barring any complications of course. Bev and I will be moving to our new address this Sunday and are scheduled to be there until approximately 12/21. Our new address is:
Staybridge Suites
4220 E. Virginia Ave.
Glendale, CO 80246
303.321.5757

God has blessed us with warm weather so that we can assist my mom with last minute things before we go. My body has responded well to all the procedures. I have been lucky and have not had any bleeding from my prostate biopsy. I hope to hear by tonight the results of that biopsy, the last information needed before I start the transplant.

A special hug and thanks with love goes out to Lavon Brown, Bev's aunt, for her continued help and support. Lavon and her son Jeff have been unbelievable throughout this entire diagnosis.

God bless each and every one of you for your support!

Happy Veteran's Day

God bless all of those who are and have served our country. Especially my father-in-law Steve Brown and my son-in-law's father Don Kaufman. Thank you to any of those friends reading this that have also served our country.

God bless the United States of America, the greatest country in the world.

Track team events

When I was in junior high school I played soccer and felt comfortable running for a long period of time. The coach of the track team wanted me to try out for the track team to run the mile. Since it was a private all boys school you really couldn't say no. In the tryouts I came in second out of 30 or so. The coach proceeded to yell at me because I wasn't "sweating enough". That turned me off to the whole concept as I had wanted it to be fun like soccer. But I did have several close friends join the track team so I went to a lot of the meets they participated in. The events I admired most were the hurdles, high jump and pole vault. All had a bar placed in front of the person that they would have to get over or lose. Two of those they had to accomplish by themselves, the third with the assistance of a unique piece of support equipment.

Yesterday was my equivalent of the hurdles. I had to keep going until I could produce enough stem cells to prepare for transplant. Today was my equivalent of the high jump.

I found out this morning at the RMCC that I was cleared for my biopsy of my prostate by having enough platelets good for blood clotting. After packing up from Jeff and Sara's house, we headed to the Urology clinic. Those males reading this who have had this procedure will know what I am talking about. It was the fastest biopsy I have ever had. One of the fastest procedures I have ever had. One of the most stressful I have ever had. Lay on a table, feel a lot of pressure, hear a gun go off and feel what seems like an electric shock almost instantaneously twelve times in a row, then you're done. I have a new appreciation for what ladies go through during childbirth. I'm sure they would say it isn't close, but hopefully it is the closest I will ever come to that type of pressure. Mark, the doctor, said he thinks it went well, not much bleeding. Troy the tech said he got good samples.

Now we wait for the results, probably tomorrow or the next day for sure. A second hurdle higher than yesterday, more like a high jump. But successfully crossed. Will the teetering bar stay up or fall after my jump. How successful was my high jump?

Bev and I are home now. We have a few last days to get ready for the final and highest hurdle, BEAM and transplant. This time I have a support, Bev who I couldn't do this without. A 24/7 caregiver that has to not only take care of me and everything I am going through, she has to take care of herself as well. A support pole that will bend to unbelievable angles but will not break. Together we will get through this. And the support from my team of family and friends will keep assisting us getting higher and higher to get over that final bar, that pole vault.

My wish is you are successful at your track team events in life, whatever they might be. God bless you for your support.

Okay, this is Bev. I just have to add this....

Great story Ken, you always entertain us with your writing. But I am going to go ahead and say it, before all the other female readers say it. "CHILDBIRTH, REALLY?" Not even close! You were so worried about the biopsy. A guy and his privates are definitely not something to mess with. But you left me in the waiting room yesterday, the doc came out and told me it went fine, you walked out and you had been gone what, 32 minutes? 32 MINUTES! Maybe if it was 32 hours, or if you had been worried about the outcome for 9 months, or if the doc used a 6 inch diameter probe. Maybe then you could compare it to childbirth. But don't even try to go there with this.

Okay women, let's let him have something. Ken, what you experienced is comparable to a women's pap smear. We are propped open with a V shaped locking cold metal mechanism that holds us open while the doc reaches way in and snips a bit of our cervix away to send for cancer results, not unlike your procedure. Difference is women do this what, every year, since we were 30, with no numbing medication? Really Ken, Childbirth? LMAO. Love ya anyway. And I'll be there for ya, babe, thru all your events.

One hurdle overcome

Today was a successful day for me, unlike for the Broncos. Bev and I arrived at the hospital around 7am to have blood drawn to see where my counts stand. After the first quick test, they said my white counts had risen from .1 on Saturday to 2.3 today. To get set for collection they had to do one other test and that result would determine whether we would start collection today or not. It was funny but they asked me if I was in pain. I told them I had bone pain all night and hurt and they said "that's great!". They weren't really happy I was in pain but that was a good sign. Like I had hoped, stem cells were coming out of my bone marrow. We had to wait for the second test so we went to breakfast and returned at 9:30. They had good news, I was ready.

By the time I was hooked up to the machine, it was 10am. They estimated I had 5 liters of blood and were going to pull out 1.05ml per minute. (I think that is what she told me.) Of the three tubes coming out of my chest, one was hooked up to draw the blood out into the machine, and one was hooked up for the return. She told me only about 1.5 cups of blood would actually ever be outside my body at any one time. The blood would be mixed with an anticoagulant to prevent the blood clotting in the machine but then dissipates rapidly once returned to the body. This could have caused a calcium deficiency but in my case that never happened. The machine works like a centrifuge separating out the different items in the blood into levels. Then the white cell level is captured into a bag and the rest of the blood is then returned. I watched to find out how long at my rate that my entire body blood supply would take to go through the machine, it turned out to be about 55 minutes.

After that I slept for a while as the process was to take about five hours. Unlike chemo where you can take the IV pole with you to the bathroom or in the hall, you cannot leave this machine until the process finishes. So I sat, slept, talked to Bev, had lunch, use a urinal, slept some more then finally got done around 3pm. They had to finish with more blood tests to see how many cells they collected. The minimum needed for transplant was 2 million, the doctor wanted 5 million. But they wouldn't have the results until about 6 or 7pm. So we went back to Jeff and Sara's house where they fixed us a nice dinner and waited. The nurse called and said I would not have to return tomorrow as they had collected 15 million cells out of me. Three times what was needed. In only one day. No wonder I was feeling so much pain! LOL! Sara said I was an overachiever. I am very happy. One leg of this journey is now done.

In an amazing moment during the day, Kris, Pam's partner found us inside PSL as we were walking before the last blood test. Kris works at PSL and said she was keeping an eye out for us. Only the three of us were in the same hall at the same time in a huge hospital full staff and patients. It was meant to be! And made me feel good to talk to her!

Tomorrow, I will be tested for platelet count. If high enough I will be able to proceed with my prostate biopsy. If too low, they will postpone so that there will be no complications with bleeding. I hope to be able to complete that task to stay on track with my timeline, then return to Fort Collins to prepare for our Sunday move.

God bless each and every one of you for your support.

The countdown has begun

It begins. This is my last week before BEAM, the high dose chemo they will be giving me starting a week from Monday if all goes well. But this is a busy week coming up. Bev has been frantically trying to finish the house before we go. I have not been able to help her much as I have been feeling very down, tired, achy and not eating very well. I just found out on Saturday that I have lost 22 pounds from my weight when this all began back in March. Down from 179 to 157. I think that is what I weighed when Bev and I got married 20 years ago.

Since my counts were so low on Saturday, they told us not to bother driving down Sunday. Bev was previously able to schedule a H1N1 shot for her as a caregiver today, Sunday, in Loveland. Afterward, we then drove to Jeff and Sara's house to stay the night so we will not have to get up as early tomorrow morning. We are expected at the hospital tomorrow at 7am. They will test my counts again and if all is well will begin collection. It should be about six hours long. The rooms remind me of getting chemo treatment at UCH size wise but with much more equipment filling up the space so not much room for Bev and I, just an easy chair for me and a regular chair for her. There is a TV that swings out from the wall, but no big picture windows to look out like at UCH. PSL seems to be nice but you can tell it is the old style hospital when things were designed differently than today. Of course if my counts are still down, we will just go back home so Bev can work at CSU some and we can try to finish the house.

Tuesday will be the same, starting at 7, either to continue collection or begin it. But Tuesday afternoon I also go to the Urology Center for my prostate biopsy. That is maybe a couple of hours procedure. I am nervous about that but my Doc there made me feel better about my chances after visiting him the first time last week. Turns out he is from Nebraska as is Bev so we all had something to talk about, the small towns in NE. I won't know about the results for 1-2 days.

If needed Wednesday, Thursday, etc. we would continue to visit the hospital for collection until they get 5 million stem cells. We are planning to check into our "apartment" at Stay Bridge Suites on Sunday to prepare for BEAM on Monday. The rest of this week at home will be packing and finishing the house as we plan to be gone for at least 6 weeks.

Good things so far: I haven't had to have a transfusion of blood yet, Bev is healthy, I'm alive. Strangely, I have started to grow facial hair and some arm hair recently. So much so I actually had to shave twice in the same week. I am now off limits to shaving and although I wish it would continue, they tell me it will disappear with BEAM. Challenging things are: I thought I might have hemorrhoids because of pain you know where. Still have pain but no signs of hemorrhoids. Not sure what is going on, but needless to say this is making me weary of Tuesday and the prostate biopsy. Today, I felt bone pain again. Very similar to when I had gotten a Neulasta shot after chemo round 7 and then had trouble walking. I wound up in the ER that day then in the hospital for 3 days just to check me out. I think that was back in August. My hips and legs feel like they are squeezing me and it hurts to walk. Not sure what is causing this but hoping it is the stem cells rushing out of my bone marrow waiting to be collected tomorrow. My goal: to update the blog on a daily basis if possible from this point forward.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support, they mean so much to Bev and I.

Home and ok for now.

Things are so much better. We went to Denver, checked his counts. They are down again. His fever was better, so they just checked him out and sent him home. We were there less than an hour. Ken still feels sick, but is emotionally better than he was this morning. Me too. I'm much better. I've been cleaning and organizing. Still a long way to go, but getting there. We go back to the hospital Monday morning at 7:oo. I think we are going to stay with my son and his wife in Golden so that we don't have to get up so early. The hope is that his counts will have recovered enough to start the harvest. Hope they recover soon. Ken feels so tired and out of control when his counts are so low.
But everything is happening as expected. At least that is what they are telling us. I better get back to work. Just wanted you all to know we are better. Thanks for your support. Bev

The fear sets in

The doc asked me once if I have friends that I can talk to when things get rough, when I am worried about Ken, when I can't take it anymore. I told him I had great friends that I can talk to. The problem at this moment is that it is 2:30 am. I'm not the kind of friend that would bother them now. But, girlfriends, when you read this, please give me an extra lift up to the Lord because I am scared.
I wish we hadn't had to change hospitals. I am scared about Ken doing this as outpatient. He has a small fever that has been creeping up all day. I just took it and it is now 100.1 or 37.8 C. Why the fever, something is causing it. Could be a number of things, but how am I suppose to know. The UCH said to call when it is 100.5. I'm not sure when the PSL wants us to call. We are headed to PSL at 9:00 this morning for blood tests. I think I'll wake Ken at 5 to take his temp again. Maybe we'll go in at 7:00 instead.
So here is also why I am scared, why I wish we hadn't changed hospitals. Doing all this as outpatient seems so much better for Ken. It makes sense, but it scares me constantly. What if I don't prepare his food just right? What if I don't clean the kitchen just right? What if I don't clean the bathroom well enough? What if I don't wash his clothes in hot enough temperature? What if I have an accident driving him back and forth?
When the nurse called today to say that his counts were so low, I was immediately scared about the condition of the house. I've been trying to get the extra stuff put away, the coke stuff. So the house has been dusty for a few days. The bathroom isn't completely sterile yet. I've been letting us eat out alot. Ken has wanted to go places to eat one last time. Like it will be his last time to enjoy their food. I keep telling him it may be the last time this year, but we'll be back. I'm indulging him now, but what if they served him something not safe? What if I did at home? What is causing his fever? Will they admit him to the hospital tomorrow? I don't know enough about PSL to know. And we don't like the rooms as well as UCH. They are very small at PSL and I don't know if I can stay with him. There isn't a bed for me. He needs me, if he gets admitted, but it just isn't as nice as UCH. Hope they are better at taking care of him. I wonder if their air controllers are as up to date as UCH. I have to trust them. The insurance co says they have the highest success rate. So they should know what they are doing, right? Seems like they are putting an awful lot of faith in me. How do they know if I can handle all this? I think I can. But I need help now. Send me up to the Lord. Ask him to help Ken and me. I know you are all praying for me. I just needed to unload my fears so I can go back to sleep. Actually, I think I will go pack a bag for Denver, just in case they keep us there. We can stay with my son just to be closer to PSL. I think we should maybe do that on Sat, till this fever thing gets straightened out. Thanks for letting me share. I better get off my pity party and get busy. Love you all. Bev

Not ready for harvest

It is Friday, Nov. 6th. We thought Ken would be ready to harvest his stem cells starting tomorrow. But we got a call today about his blood test this morning. His white cell count and his platelets count are really low. They want him to start being very careful for infections. They said to stay away from crowds and watch what he eats. Of course, they told us that right after we went to a concert last night and to a movie tonight. So let me back up and put everything down in order. Just as much for our record as for your interest. This may be a long post...

Wed, Oct. 28th: We woke up to snow, lots of it. We packed up and headed to Denver. Ken had surgery that afternoon in the Presbyterian St Lukes to insert his main line in his left chest. It is a line that goes right to the top of his heart. There are three lines coming out of it and all went well with the surgery. We spent the night at a motel in Denver which was good since it was still snowing.

Thurs, Oct 29th: We got up early and met Tessa, our youngest daughter, in a Perkins for breakfast. Tessa was headed to New York to see her sister, so we were happy to see her for a few minutes before she left. Then we headed to the cancer center for Ken's first day of chemo. They gave him Cituxin and VB-16. The Cituxin is what gives Ken the hiccups, so they warned us. The Cituxin made him very sick in the afternoon. The nurse gave him some strong anti-nausea medicine and some hiccup meds. He was on heavy fluids all day and they even sent us home with a pump and drip fluid bags. They taught me how to change the bags and what to do to help Ken thru the night. They were worried about his kidneys with the chemo, so gave him lasix to make him pee alot. They made him pee twice before they would let me take him home. He was very weak and wobbly, so I had to help hold him up. Then on the way home, he wanted to go to Wendy's. Of course he was hungry. He had thrown up his lunch just an hour earlier. Luckily, I had a strict schedule of pills to give him every few hours. By staying on top of his meds, we were able to keep his dinner down and he didn't have the hiccups. But he was still pretty wobbly and he doesn't remember much about Thurs or Fri.

Fri, Oct 30th: We woke up early again, but at least it wasn't snowing. I got him breakfast, was changing his last fluid bag and received a call from Anna in Indonesia. Ken talked to her while I finished changing his bag. Unfortunately, Ken was still pretty drugged, so he doesn't remember her call. We will have to call her back one of these days. I then dropped him at the cancer center with his suitcase. I headed to Arizona with my friends Terry and Alan. I was delivering my dogs and my parents car to them for the winter. Ken received the rest of his VB-16 chemo. My uncle Stan picked Ken up and took him home. He slept most of the night and didn't feel to bad.

Sat, Halloween: Ken drove himself to Denver to get a Neulasta shot to boost his immune system. When he returned home, he started getting the hiccups. He went to see Heidi in the afternoon to have her flush his lines. It's nice to have a nurse in the family to take over for me when I am gone. Thanks Heidi. Ken got pretty sick that night. He threw up most of the night. I arrived in Phoenix, picked up my parents at the airport and spent the rest of the day helping them clean up the house. When it sits closed for 6 months, you would think it would stay clean, but it was covered in dust.

Sun, Nov. 1st: Ken was still hiccuping and pretty sick. He visited Heidi again today for his line flush and his shot. At least he didn't have to drive to Denver for a change. I was still in Phoenix. I made a ramp for my dog to go up and down the steps. I got the dogs all settled and helped Mom and Dad with more cleaning. I missed Ken and felt very guilty for being gone when he was so sick. But there wasn't much I could do. Ken said not to worry, but I felt bad anyway. He felt better by evening. Ken said he really missed the dogs. I knew he missed me too, LOL.

Mon, Nov 2nd: Ken picked me up at the airport at 4:30. He felt much better and I was so glad to be home. We went to dinner and didn't get home till about 10. We had a nice evening, but I was really tired when we finally got home.

Tues, Nov 3rd: I worked in the morning and then we headed to Denver for blood tests and a class. We were looking forward to this class they have been talking about. We wanted to hear more about what to expect. But we were very disappointed. It was just an overview of a bunch of points. The overhead sheets gave us page numbers to read in the book if we wanted more information. Ken and I had already read the book, so we didn't learn much in the class. It really was a waste of time. We ate out again Tues night and got home about 9. Tessa came to the house to stay with us when she flew in from NY about 10 that night. I wasn't able to stay awake to talk to her, but Ken did.

Wed, Nov 4th: I went to work. Tessa and Ken pulled all the coke stuff off our shelves and all the plants from the dining room. That was a big help. Now I can pack it up and get it downstairs and out of the way. We are trying to simplify the house for cleaning. Things are going to need to be pretty sterile for a few months when Ken comes home. So it's going to look pretty sad around here for a while. But at least it will be easier to clean. We had lunch with Tessa and then headed to Denver again for his proctology doctor appointment. They examined Ken, talked to his oncologist and scheduled a prostate biopsy for next Tuesday. The doc said there is only about a 20% chance that he has prostate cancer, but they want to make sure before his transplant. If he does have cancer, it will not stop the transplant, but they will have to give him hormones to keep the cancer in check during transplant. Ken took me to the Cheesecake factory for a late lunch. We shared a pumpkin cheesecake. The best.... Ken's mom called while we were at the doctor. Her TV broke that morning. So we headed back to Fort Collins to get her a new TV. By the time we took her shopping and got the new TV hooked up, it was 9:00 before we got home. Ken did pretty well today.

Thurs, Nov 5th: Ken was really tired today and slept most of the day. I wasn't sure he should go the the concert, but he said he wanted to, so we headed to Denver again. Joyce and her husband Bob, drove us down. They had gotten tickets to "Celtic Thunder", a men's Irish singing group. They were playing at the Paramount Theatre and we loved the show. Thanks Joyce and Bob for taking us. We enjoyed the show and Ken did ok. He was tired when we got home, but happy that we had gone.

This brings us to today, Friday. I was going to go to work and let Ken go to Denver alone and get his blood tested. But he woke up with a low grade fever and didn't look so good. So I went with him instead to the cancer center. I am glad that I was with him. We asked about things that are bothering him. His mouth is bothering him. His nails on his feet are strange. Things we just have to keep an eye on. We then went to the hospital. We registered for the weekend and took a tour of where he will get his blood harvested. We came home for a while and then went to a movie. We saw Michael Jackson's This is It. We both really enjoyed the movie, but then we are Michael fans. Ken has been very emotional all day, so I was a little worried about the movie. But is was all about the show and his music. So it wasn't a sad show.

We got the msg about Ken's counts after the movie. So we are headed back to the hospital at 9:00 Sat morning to get his blood tested again. We will be going day by day to see when we can start the harvest. I'll blog about the process when I know when we are going to start. For now I better get busy. I still need to put this coke stuff away and I want to clean out the pantry. So much to do. Till next time.... Bless you all. Keep Ken in your prayers. He needs strength to get thru this. Love you all. Bev